


Bright Morning Stars

by gooseberries



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Multi, Mundane Alec Lightwood, Secret Identity, Spy Alec, alternative universe, except not really he just thinks he is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-05-02 16:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14548302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gooseberries/pseuds/gooseberries
Summary: “Your crimes have not gone unnoticed, Robert Lightwood, and as punishment for the innocent lives ruined by your actions, Alexander Lightwood will be sent to New York, but will live his days as a mundane.”Alec Lightwood was sentenced to live as a mundane to pay for the sins of his parents. What the Clave never expected was that Alec would be brought back into the Shadow World through the clever workings of the Circle themselves. Now Alec must find the truth in the stories both sides are telling him all while figuring out his purpose in both the shadow and mundane worlds.





	1. Prologue

_ “Bright morning stars are rising...” _

 

Alicante was on fire. The sight of flames licking at the dawn would have been awe-striking had they not been a symbol of Maryse and Robert’s deadly mistake. The pair walked beside each other even in sentencing, taking note of the damage they had helped cause. Despite the battle having been ended hours ago, there were still bodies littering the grass around the buildings; a testament to how much destruction the Circle had caused in their crashing of the Ninth Accords signing.

The battle had been waged the previous evening and late into the night with only the stars as witnesses. Now as the dawn broke through the film of night there was nothing left to do but clean up the destruction as best as possible. Maryse Lightwood had chosen to quit fighting the Clave if only for the sake of her toddler son. The tuft of black hair and warm hazel eyes meant everything to her. If only there had been enough time to escape the city before they could stand trial. Maryse just had to hope that the Clave would ease the punishment on her and her husband if only for the fact that they had a son already born to the world and another child just seven months away from appearing.

“Robert and Maryse Lightwood,” Inquisitor Herondale spoke upon the couple entering the chamber. The woman had taken over as Inquisitor after the death of her only son just a year before. Maryse’s heart sunk deep to the bottom of her chest upon seeing the woman, knowing she was less-than-forgiving when it came to Circle members. “You have been charged with treason against the Clave and thus will be sentenced. You have caused the deaths of hundreds of Shadowhunters, caused innocents to be orphaned. What do you have to say in your defense?”

What was there to say? Maryse had done it all and she’d done it with fervor because she’d fallen for the charisma of Valentine Morgenstern. She hung her head low in shame, unable to find any words to justify what she’d done.

Luckily, her husband seemed to find the words she lacked. “Inquisitor, we take full responsibility for our actions. We just ask that you show mercy. We have a son, Alexander Lightwood, and we have another child on the way. Please, don’t orphan them, too. They’re still innocent.” Never in Maryse’s life did she think she’d hear Robert Lightwood pleading with anyone, but this was their child they were talking about. They both knew full well they could be sentenced to exile, meant to live as mundanes until demons hunted them down, killed them and their two beautiful children. Deruned Shadowhunters never did last long in the world without such protection.

“To show we are not as heartless as the Circle who ruined so many innocent lives, Maryse and Robert Lightwood will not be deruned and exiled. Instead, they will be exiled to the New York Institute where Robert will serve as Head of the Institute. They, along with their unborn child, will not be allowed to return to Alicante unless summoned there by the Clave,” the Inquisitor spoke, voice hard and commanding authority.

“Inquisitor Herondale, what of A-” Robert began, though was quickly cut off by the woman sitting before them.

“Your crimes have not gone unnoticed, Robert Lightwood, and as punishment for the innocent lives ruined by your actions, Alexander Lightwood will be sent to New York, but will live his days as a mundane.”

The words were a harsh blow to both Lightwoods. Maryse looked to her husband in absolute horror. They were to lose their son? “Inquisitor, Alec did nothing wrong to deserve th-” Maryse began, vision blurring slightly as tears glossed over her eyes. Maryse refused to cry in front of these people, so she sucked in a breath and prayed for her tears to halt.

“Just as so many other children did nothing wrong to deserve being orphaned. Such is the way of life, Maryse Lightwood. You will have one hour before someone will come to collect him and you will be expected to leave to the New York Institute. You two are dismissed,” the Inquisitor called out before those in the room stood and began to file out of the room. Maryse was left standing facing her husband, shock filling her features. She did this. She had been the one to convince him to join the Circle, and now they were losing their first-born to her decision.

The hour didn’t feel like enough time. Maryse had clung to her son tightly, whispering how sorry she was into his ear at every occasion. In time one of the Shadowhunter soldiers came, an expression nearing one of pity taking on his face as he picking the toddler up into his arms. As much as Maryse didn’t want to, she would always remember Alec looking as he had in that moment. Black hair messy from her hugging him so tightly, hazel eyes shining bright from the tears flowing down his face as he called for his mother, little hand outstretched toward her.

 

_ “Oh, where are our dear children? Bright morning stars are rising, day is a-breaking in my soul.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what y'all think so far. Obviously the rest of the chapters will be longer, this one is just short because it's the prologue and it's setting everything up. I'll try to update either every week or every other week, it'll just depend on my schedule. The rest of the fic will be from Alec's point of view, and the next chapter will jump ahead to when he's 23 like in the show, but there will be flashbacks! This fic will also use elements from both the book series and the TV series, but will ultimately be pretty canon divergent. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I hope you like it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I meant to post this as soon as the prologue went up, but I had to leave for lunch with friends and got totally distracted. But here we are!

“Alec, you’re up!” a gruff voice called from behind the counter to the young man who was just re-tying his apron around his waist. Lunch breaks were never long enough, Alec had quickly realized upon finding the job at the restaurant. The black-haired man brushed off his black button-up shirt and made sure his appearance was spotless before walking back out to the main floor of the building. He would have quit working at the high-end restaurant by then if the tips weren’t so excellent.

“You’re an ass,” Alec hissed out upon seeing the woman sitting at one of the tables he was to wait on. The man in front of him only let out a short laugh at the exclamation. “You know I can’t deal with Mrs. Freedman.”

“Why can’t you? She’s one of the richest ladies in the city, I’m doin’ you a favor, pal,” his boss returned, laughing all the way back to the welcome podium.

Alec steeled himself for his toughest mission yet; dealing with a rich old divorcee who just wanted a young companion. “Hello, Mrs. Freedman, welcome back,” he greeted with a trying smile on his lips as he neared the table.

“Oh, please, call me Patricia. You know this by now, Alec,” the elder lady laughed, throwing him a wink in the process.

“Of course. Can I get you the usual, Patricia?” Alec returned, trying his hardest to remain composed. After all, his boss was right; she always gave the best tips. He would treat her anyway she liked if it meant he got the pay at the end of the day. Some of the other waiters and waitresses were jealous of how tightly the woman had latched onto him, if only because of the sharp pay boost it had given him. It had also helped his standing at the restaurant, considering the highly influential woman had raved about the restaurant on more than one occasion to win the favors of the twenty-three year old.

“Let’s mix it up a little. I’ll have your finest sauvignon blanc with my meal. Go a little crazy, right?” the woman laughed, brushing a hand on his wrist as he reached up to write it on the pad of paper.

“I’ll have that right out,” Alec replied quickly.

“Oh why don’t you come back and we’ll chat before my meal comes out, okay?”

The smile on Alec’s face turned almost into a wince before he could help it, though it returned quickly back once Alec regained control. “You know I can’t ignore the rest of my tables, Patricia.” Though it took one glance around the room for Patricia to note how empty the room was. “Alright, you’ve got me there. I’ll be right back.” Alec let out a few choice words as soon as he was far enough from the table, cursing how slow Tuesday afternoons tended to be. Alec took his time in putting in the order and returning to the table with a glass of wine in his hand, not wanting to speak with a woman who could easily be his mother and have her flirt with him the whole time.

_ It’ll be worth it when she pays _ , Alec reminded himself as he sat back down, resting his arms on the table as he sat across from her. “So, how’re you doing, darling?” the woman asked, taking the glass in her hand and taking a sip. He watched as a pleased smile overtook her lips at the wine, then as her gaze refocused onto him.

“I’m okay,” he answered automatically, shoulders tensed as he waited for his coworker to bring out the meal for her. It was then that he could get up and escape this. “I’ve been busy.”

“I’ve noticed! You seem to be doing well for yourself, Alexander Gideon,” Patricia breathed out a gentle laugh. “Everyone is bubbling with excitement over this next book of yours.”

“Just Alec is fine,” he tried to correct, but it fell on deaf ears.

“I mean, normally fantasy books are only big with the teens, but even my friends are just so amazed that we’re so close. You’ll have to come to one of my parties sometime so I can introduce you to everyone, they’d be so pleased,” Patricia remarked, reaching over to grab the hand resting on the table. Of course she’d act like this. “They don’t believe me that I know a famous author.”

Alec’s cheeks went red; from either embarrassment over the books or from the hand-grab, he didn’t know. “I’m not that famous. You might want to introduce them to someone with a bit more name recognition.”

“Well who doesn’t know Alec Harding? You’ve hit the bestseller list twice, darling, that’s nothing to be shy about,” Patricia returned with a gentle smile. “Have any new tattoos?” she changed the subject quickly, glancing the the large one that had overtaken his neck.

Normally restaurants were particular about waiters hiding any tattoos they may have, but the boss was a friend of Alec’s adoptive father and so had let it slide. Especially since no customer seemed to have any real problems with it. They were mostly just taken by Alec’s excellent service so they hardly ever found room to complain about his appearance. The large ‘z’ shaped tattoo with a line in the middle had been one he’d gotten when he was fresh out of high school. He’d gotten a couple others past that, but he always was fond of that first one. “No, I haven’t. I don’t think I will,” Alec explained quickly, shoulders becoming more tense the longer he sat there.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Freedman, I have to steal Alec away from you. He’s in high demand today,” his boss called out, setting a plate of pasta down on the table in front of her as Alec stood up from the booth.

“That he is, Sir, that he is.”

* * *

The day passed quickly after that. By the time his shift was over, the sky was melting into the gold color of sunset. Alec would have stayed and watched the gold turn to the midnight blue of evening, but he knew that Beatrice would worry. They’d stuck close together ever since the accident just to prevent either of them from doing something they’d regret. It wasn’t that Bea didn’t trust him, it was more that he’d been known to hide his emotions behind closed doors and this wasn’t something that should be held back.

“Alec!” Beatrice squealed as the apartment door opened. She was sitting on the couch with her foot propped against the edge of the coffee table so she could paint the nails there. His sister was already in her pajamas, curly hair pulled off her face and into a bun. Her contacts were out and she already had her glasses perched on her nose. “I didn’t expect you back so soon. How was work?”

“It was fine. Mrs. Freedman came back,” Alec shrugged, allowing a shiver to run down his back at the encounter he’d had that afternoon. Soon enough the man was standing in the small kitchen, pulling out the gallon of milk and a box of cereal. He alternated taking a swig from the milk and then popping a handful of cereal in his mouth.

“You’re disgusting, you know that? I drink from that jug, too,” Beatrice laughed, shaking her head at him. “Dad’s coming over, by the way. He wanted to congratulate you on finishing this book...and complain because you won’t let us read it.”

“You have to wait like everyone else, Bea. Have a little patience,” Alec laughed, jumping up to sit on the kitchen island and face the living room as he ate.

“But it won’t come out for months! I have to know what happened to Michael! I mean, did he actually join the Circle? What about the vampires, are they gonna retaliate? I mean, you can’t just leave it on the cliffhanger of a looming Uprising, what the hell, Alec!” Bea laughed, closing the nail polish bottle and relaxing further into the couch. “How do you even come up with this kinda stuff?”

Alec shrugged at that one, unsure of how to answer. He’d been having dreams about vampires, werewolves, and warlocks for years. Ever since he could remember he’d had dreams of beings called shadowhunters, angels and demons. Hell, he’d even dreamt up a civil war. He couldn’t explain why he started dreaming of that stuff when he was just a kid, but the idea had been there since then. It got to the point where he couldn’t help but to write it all down. The man had never expected the book to hit it big, but then all of a sudden he was working on the third book in the series; a series in which the first two books hit the New York Times bestsellers list. 

After years of confusion and not fully fitting in anywhere, the world was finally beginning to come together for Alec Harding. He had a stable job, a book tour on the way, and a loving family who he was so lucky to have found. He didn’t know what he would have done had Gerald Harding not adopted him when he was six years old. The adoption center hadn’t been a terrible experience as many seemed to think, but he’d always wished for a family. He always wondered about his original parents that gave him up with no word. They simply had left him on the doorstep of the adoption center when he was three years old. Hadn’t left a note, their names, anything. It was only through him that the center figured out his name was Alexander Gideon Lightwood, but even then his name was never entered in the government records. As far as the United States federal government was concerned, Alexander Lightwood had never been born, didn’t even exist. That one had confounded the adoption center.

“Hey, Earth to Alec! Go get the door,” Bea laughed, tossing one of the throw pillows at him.

“Fine, fine. Cool it,” he returned quickly, hopping off the island to open the door for their father. A loose smile formed on his lips as the older man hugged him. “Hey, Dad.”

“Hey, Mister Famous. What’s this about you being on TV the other day?” his father greeted, pulling from the hug to close the door and walk fully into the apartment. “Why did I have to hear from Dahlia that you were on the Today show?”

“I didn’t think it was a big deal,” Alec answered, though a sheepish expression formed on his face as he realized he’d been caught.

“I’m starting to think you don’t want us to know anything,” his dad laughed, though quickly let it go. Alec had always been a secretive kid. The older man who’d adopted him simply thought it was because of how he was raised for three years before being unceremoniously dropped at a center. His blood always came to a boil when he thought about his son being abandoned like that. He knew Alec still had some vague memories of his biological parents and he knew that it still haunted the boy, even if he never wanted to admit it. “When’s the book released? I’d love to go to the first book signing.”

“Dad, I can sign the book for you anytime you want,” Alec laughed, shaking his head at his father’s antics.

“But I want to see you signing books like a famous person! Who knew I’d raise a kid to be nationally recognized? I mean, hell, between your writing and Bea’s dancing, I-” Bea had stood up then. She stared at the two men before retreating into her room, muttering something about being tired and needing some rest before the next day. Her limp was apparent then, reminding the two of them how sensitive the topic of her dancing was. “Well, didn’t mean to ruin the mood. She’s still upset?”

“Yeah. She hasn’t come to terms with it yet, still thinks she can fix it. Doctors have told her that she’s lucky to even be walking, so ballet is pretty much out of the picture now,” Alec spoke, making his way to the couch and sitting down, his father following suit. “I know she says she doesn’t blame me, but I still can’t help but feel like-”

“Don’t do that to yourself, Alec. I’m serious. Who could have guessed that guy was gonna fly past a red light? He was texting and you weren’t. That wasn’t your fault,” his Dad spoke earnestly, snapping his fingers until Alec’s head lifted and turned to face him. “You’ve gotta stop blaming yourself for this. It happened months ago, it’s in the past.”

“But she’s still paying for it. I was the one driving but she’s the one paying for it,” Alec spoke, sounding desperate as he did so.

“And you almost died.” The words were so blunt Alec couldn’t help but wince. He remembered waking up the horrible feeling of a tube down his throat, panicking until the nurses knocked him out so the doctor could remove the intubation tube. He could remember waking up and having his Dad tell him he’d been comatose for a week after emergency surgery. The straight scar down his chest reminded him of the surgery everyday, and the scar cutting across his eyebrow along with a few others scattered about his abdomen would remind him of the crash everytime he woke up without a shirt. “I hate that this happened to you two, but you have to start to move beyond it. No more guilt from you, and Bea can’t keep acting like this. At some point she’ll have to find a backup plan.”

Of course, his Dad was correct. Alec knew it and yet it would take more than words for him to fully listen. “Actually, Bea’s dragging me somewhere to some self-proclaimed miracle worker tomorrow. She’s under the impression that this guy can fix her. I know it won’t work, but hopefully this will convince her that she has to move on.”

“Thank you for going with her,” his Dad spoke then, “I don’t want her to deal with this alone. You’ve always been so selfless. Maybe after this you can start to focus a little more on you.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Like maybe celebrating about this book of yours! It’s not everyday that you hit the bestsellers list twice in a row. Maybe you and Bea could go down to this club I’ve been hearing so much about. Pandemonium?”

“Dad, are you telling me to get trashed and make some serious mistakes I’ll forget about by morning?” Alec questioned, raising a brow at the older man.

“You’ve never let loose. I think it’s about time to,” his dad laughed earnestly. 

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

“And maybe start going on more dates. I think Dahlia’s seriously into you, and she’s so good for you.”

“Dad, I’m not having this talk with you,” Alec returned quickly, cheeks flushing with embarrassment over the discussion. His dad and Bea have been pestering him about his love life ever since he was a teenager. He was what you could consider popular in high school. He wasn’t outgoing or even a little bit extroverted, but it had been clear from the beginning that he was a natural born leader. Alec was elected class president every year in high school and frequently made homecoming and prom court even when he didn’t exactly what that kind of attention. Girls continuously flirted with him even when he showed no interest in them. He’d only ever had one girlfriend in his life, Dahlia, and while they were still friends now he was in no way attracted to her. “Dahlia’s my best friend.”

“Yeah, but you were so cute together! I still have those pictures from senior prom up in the house. I was so hoping you two were gonna get married!” Dad exclaimed, looking at his son with a bright smile on his face. When he’d done some researching on adoption, he’d learned that some kids never called their adoptive parents by ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad’, still clinging in some ways to the people that left them behind. He’d been so thankful that Alec instantly moulded into their family. Bea had been three when he was adopted into the family and while it took some adjustments, she quickly latched onto the older boy like they’d always been family. Of course, there were some snide comments by other parents at the school, mostly about the fact that him and Bea were black and Alec was as far from it as possible, but the older man had quickly learned to ignore it. It didn’t matter how different they looked, the fact that Alec wasn’t biologically related to either of them, because the trio had considered themselves family from the first day Gerald brought the boy home.

“Dad, I’m not getting back together with Dahlia,” Alec chuckled, trying his hardest to shut down the topic of conversation. In his time as an adult, Alec had started to figure out that he wasn’t interested in women. He’d gone to bars before and it was never the women he was drawn to, but rather the attractive men that had walked in. At first it had scared him, but Bea had been so supportive when he asked her about it. He just didn’t have the courage to talk to his dad about it yet. Not because he didn’t think Gerald would be supportive. On the contrary, the older man had always supported him in almost everything he did, but rather because that would make it  _ real _ . He wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet.

* * *

The two men had stayed up talking late into the night. Alec was exhausted by the time his alarm pulled him from sleep. He felt like cursing his past self for choosing to stay up so late. After all, he had a meeting with this miracle worker in a few short hours.

Eventually Alec had gotten ready for the day, dressed in black pants and a v-neck that was such a dark shade of blue it nearly appeared black in certain light. The man had never been one for extravagant dress, so unlike his sister who had to have brand-name everything and bright colors. The contrast was further proven when he entered the kitchen and saw his sister standing in a floral dress in bright colors and a black leather jacket, paired with black heels that were so high Alec was unsure any normal human being could ever walk in them realistically. “Bea, I love you, but isn’t that dress a little, ah, bright?”

“It’s Lilly Pulitzer! You know nothing,” Bea exclaimed, soon laughing at her brother’s fashion incompetency. “Besides, I want to look nice for this guy. I’ve heard he’s hot.”

“You’ve heard about this guy?”

“Well who hasn’t? I was talking to Dahlia who talked to Charlotte who said that when she went to him for help with her health problems, he gave her something to drink and all of a sudden she wasn’t having migraines anymore! And that he was drop dead gorgeous and totally fashion forward!” Bea explained excitedly.

“Okay, but aren’t you banned from high heels?” He thought he remembered the girl’s physical therapist expressly telling her that those types of shoes were bad for her health.

“Yeah, but a couple hours won’t hurt. I promise, Alec. Now stop being a doting mother and come have breakfast with me.” Thus the Harding siblings commenced their typical morning routine of sitting at the kitchen island and eating the pancakes, eggs, and bacon that Alec had cooked. He always was the cook in their family as Gerald had been hopeless and by the time Bea was old enough to learn Alec had already taken on the responsibility.

Eventually the two were standing outside of a different apartment, glancing to each other with nervous looks. This was Bea’s last chance at returning to her previous life. She’d been attending Julliard for ballet; it was what she was meant to do and Alec hated that it had been stripped from her. He didn’t know what he would do if he lost his identity, his purpose, just like that. Alec didn’t have much faith in this Magnus person, but he would go along with it if it meant giving Bea some closure, one way or another. “Come in!” A voice shouted from inside the apartment, leaving Bea to turn the door handle and let the pair in.

The apartment was extravagant, to say the least. It was clear that whoever lived there had a sense of style. Perhaps in another life he and Bea would have been friends. Then a man was entering in the room. The sight literally took Alec’s breath away. His copper skin was absolutely flawless, and there were clear signs of makeup by the kohl around the man’s brown eyes and color on top. His hair was styled, and there were streaks of color through the front. The man wore a low-cut maroon shirt with several necklaces adorning his neck. When the man lifted his hand, Alec could see several rings on his fingers. The man had begun with a cool smile, but his expression quickly shifted to one of slight surprise. “You’re Beatrice Harding?” the man, Magnus, asked, as if to ensure he had the right meeting set up.

“Yes, that’s me,” Bea spoke up, sounding totally awe-struck by both the apartment and the man. At least Alec wasn’t the only one.

“And how do you know a Shadowhunter?” Magnus asked, causing Alec’s brows to furrow in confusion. Was the man crazy?

“I’m sorry?” Alec spluttered out, surprised. He had written about such people but he’d long since known they weren’t real, despite his insist nature as a kid. Then the man began to chuckle. “Oh, you must’ve read the book. Right, you’re funny.”

“There’s no memory charm that I can sense...and you have the runes. Only the Nephilim can bear the runes,” Magnus spoke in a low tone, as if he were only speaking to himself. “What’s your name?”

“Uh, Alec,” the man tried again, now sounding confused. What did the other guy mean, a memory charm? And was he really calling Alec’s tattoos runes?

Alec didn’t think he would see this confident man grow nervous. Truly, Alec thought he might have imagined the flicker of fear in the man’s eyes before the confidence returned. “No. I’m sorry but you’re going to have to leave. I’m not getting into the middle of that Lightwood mess, not again. I can help you, Beatrice, but not while Alexander is here.”

It was clear Bea was going to protest, after all there was no reason to shove out Alec, but the twenty-three year old quickly stopped her. “It’s okay, Bea. I’ll be right outside.” The man exited the apartment and leaned his back against the hallway wall. There were so many questions he wanted to ask Magnus. Why did he know about Shadowhunters, and why did he assume Alec was one? Why did he seem nervous about having the man in his apartment? The even bigger question gnawed at Alec’s heart, resurfacing feelings he’d long since shoved away. How did Magnus Bane know his original surname was Lightwood, and what was the mess he was referring to?

Alec would have to reopen the investigation into the family that left him behind, the investigation he’d gladly given up when Gerald and Beatrice Harding welcomed him into their family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter. That's certainly not the end of Magnus and Alec; Magnus can't avoid the "Lightwood Mess". ;) I was honestly so blown away by the response just the prologue got, so I hope this chapter lived up to expectations. I'd love to hear what you think! Until next time!


	3. Chapter 3

_“Momma!” Large arms carried him, held him back from the one person he wanted to be near. The fighting from the previous night had scared him and now he couldn’t even be with his mother. The words that she’d been whispering didn’t fully make sense to the toddler, but he clung to them as if they could be his life raft for the time they were separated. “Momma!” he tried again, desperate now as the woman only stood there, tear tracks on her face. She wasn’t even trying to get him back, she wasn’t even fighting for him._

  
_“I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry,” she was speaking, again and again even as her voice broke from the emotion weighing her down. “Don’t forget, you’ll always be a shadowhunter. You’ll always be a Lightwood, Alec.”_

* * *

Alec hadn’t had such dreams since he was a child. How had he forgotten? The memory was clearly from when he was left at the adoption center. Yet, Alec had never seen the ornate building the memory took place in, at least not in person. Was his mother crazy, was that why he was separated from her? Was he writing books about her crazy fantasies? Or, the more haunting thought lingered; was he writing books about a real and secret part of the world? Was he endangering his mother just by writing? If she didn’t want him to go, why did she send him away?

  
It had been two days since his and Bea’s meeting with the miracle worker, and while the trip had brought his sister some peace of mind it had only sparked more divide in his own. What was the ‘Lightwood mess’ that was referenced, and why had he been separated from it? Was the mess the reason why he grew up as a Harding, or was it simply the fact that he wasn’t wanted? Alec hadn’t dealt with feelings of abandonment since he was a child, since those first few years with his adoptive family, yet they seemed to come back full force now that the issue was dug back up.

  
The man shook his head to bring himself back to reality, to center himself as he finished getting ready for the night out. Ever since Magnus had cured Bea’s limp, she’d been begging Alec for a night on the town. Of course, she could have gone alone but the pair were practically inseparable, especially after all that had occurred months before. Alec had been too busy having an existential crisis to worry about going out.  
Now though, he stood in an outfit picked out by Bea, almost regrettably. She’d somehow managed to talk him into a pair of black pants that were just a bit tighter than he was used to, and a navy blue button-up that had too many of the buttons undone for his personal taste. The scar he’d tried his hardest to hide for months peeked out of the top thanks to the peek of skin from the unbuttoned portion of shirt, reminding him of the surgery that had saved his life. He remembered them being puzzled that day, saying that his body had an adverse reaction to the blood transfusions that they hadn’t been expecting. It was a reaction that didn’t make any medical sense and sent him spiralling into a battle for his life they thought he’d evaded with the surgery. Perhaps it had something to do with his origins, but even thinking it sounded crazy.

  
“And you say I take forever to get ready!” Bea called from the hallway. Alec could hear her heels pacing against the wood floors of their apartment. She’d moved in with him just after the accident, mostly so he could help her with all of the things she could no longer do on her own, but also because they’d all been so scared of how close Alec had come to being lost to them. “Are you rea-damn you look good!” Bea exclaimed when he stepped into the hallway, messing with the cuff of his shirtsleeve absentmindedly. “You’re gonna break some hearts again tonight!”

  
“I don’t break hearts, Bea,” Alec countered, grabbing his wallet from the counter and slipping it into his back pocket.

  
“I think that’s what one night stands are, brother. There’s nothing wrong with it, but I’m sure most of those guys would appreciate having more than one night w-okay, okay, let’s go,” Bea began, but soon cut off with a laugh upon seeing the look Alec was giving her.

  
Soon enough the pair were inside a club. Bea had quickly left Alec to his own devices, finding her own entertainment in one of the attractive guys on the dance floor. Alec instead found himself along the outer edge, drink in hand as he observed the mass of people in the center. It didn’t take long until there was someone beside him, completely unfamiliar but admittedly attractive. “Not much of a dancer?” the stranger probed, glancing to Alec curiously. The man’s chestnut hair seemed perfectly styled, as if he’d been planning for this night as much as Bea and Alec had.

  
“No. This isn’t really my scene. I’m here for my sister, but she’s seem to have run off,” Alec returned simply, looking away to make it clear he never intended to stare at the other man. After all, who knew what the other guy’s intentions were in talking to him? The other man smirked as if he knew something about the situation that Alec didn’t, but he just chalked up to the guy having had one too many drinks. “I’m Alec,” he finally thought to introduce, figuring neither him nor the man beside him had any intention of walking away.

  
“Alec, huh? Is that short for Alexander?” the stranger probed, declining to give away his own name for the moment; Alec supposed it made him mysterious, if that was what the man was going for.

  
“Yeah, I guess so, but nobody really calls m-”

  
“That’s an interesting mark you’ve got there, Alec. Is there a story behind it?” the man asked, raising a brow and gesturing lightly to the tattoo situated on the side of his neck. “Certainly there must be, for one so visible.”

  
The young man shrugged in response, finishing off his drink and setting it on one of the tables near them. He would be lying if he didn’t admit that perhaps he’d had one too many as the fog was slowly slipping into his brain. “No. It was a design I thought of when I was sixteen.” Alec could still remember nervously asking his dad to allow him to get a tattoo as a minor, thinking the man would be wildly opposed to the idea. Instead, Gerald offered to drive him down to the tattoo parlor that day to get the papers signed, and soon enough Alec was returning to school with the design neatly imprinted on his skin. He could remember feeling bare without the mark on his neck, as if he were absolutely meant to get the tattoo. He’d gotten a couple others that were meaningful, but never one as noticeable or as strange as the one on his neck.

  
Alec hadn’t noticed how close the man had gotten to him until then. Suddenly his back was pressed to the wall, shirt riding up slightly, the man standing firmly in front of him. “Do you have a name?” Alec whispered against the man’s lips, now hovering centimeters from Alec’s. The stranger kept a commanding grip on the author’s hips, ensuring the younger remained confined against the wall. Alec fought to keep his hazel eyes trained on the man, but the captivating movements of the man won out and soon his gaze turned black as Alec focused solely on what was happening.

  
If Alec had been paying more attention, he would have realized the man never answered. Instead, when the man asked, “Do you wanna get out of here?”, Alec simply nodded. He allowed the stranger to lead him out of the building, a hand protectively resting on the small of his back to guide him out.

  
They were barely out of the building when the man turned on him again, pressing Alec to the wall with more force than before. A breath was sucked out of Alec’s lips as his body collided harshly with the brick, shirt riding up and causing his skin to scratch irritatingly against the brick. “Who knew it’d be that easy?” the man chuckled, giving Alec a smirk as he watched the realization cross the younger man’s face. Alec was so used to going home with men he’d met at clubs that he’d never once taken pause to think about the strange behaviors this stranger had been exhibiting. Now, though, it was too late. Alec squirmed, trying to find any leverage against the man but strangely finding nothing of the sort. Panic began to set in then, adrenaline coursing through Alec’s system as he attempted to fight against the hold on him. “I know you were exiled before you could take any Marks, but I thought the fight might still be in you, Nephilim,” the man spoke, spitting the last word at Alec as if it were an insult.

  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Alec shouted, hoping dearly that someone, anyone, would hear the noise from the alley they were in. He was cursing the volume of the music from the club that drowned out his shouts even from outside the building. Alec was truly on his own in this situation. Nephilim? Did this man accuse Alec of being the product of angels? Was Alec about to be brutally murdered by an insane person? “I was never exiled from anywhere. I’ve always lived in New York,” Alec tried, “You have the wrong guy.”

  
Another laugh from the stranger, his grip on Alec’s hips tightening. The author could feel the man’s nails digging into the skin there, could feel liquid slipping against his skin and cooling it as the blood hit the chilled night air. “Tsk, tsk, lying’s not very angelic of you, now is it, young Nephilim?” the man chuckled, shaking his head at Alec’s panicked hazel eyes. “We all know you’re Alexander Lightwood of Idris, there’s no hiding from us. Especially when you get a mundane tattoo of a Shadowhunter rune and write books about the Shadow World. You have it surprisingly close for someone who was kicked out as a toddler.”

  
Close? Alec’s heart slammed against the bottom of his stomach as he heard the man speak. This man was absolutely insane if he was claiming the world Alec had created was real. Even scarier still was the fact that the stranger knew Alec’s given birth name and not the surname he’d taken on when he was adopted. As far as he knew, the Lightwood name had not been documented anywhere and was a secret just for him and his family, and yet this was the second person within a couple days to speak it unprompted.

  
“Don’t worry, the mundanes will forget about you soon enough. They tend to do that.” Alec would have panicked, but his head was slamming back into the brick wall before he could even think about any words to scream. He could vaguely feel slumping to the pavement beneath him before the world was lost to him.

* * *

_“What are you doing, Alec?” an amused voice called out to the boy as he stood in the doorway of the bedroom, arms crossed over his chest. He appeared more like a parent catching his child in the act of breaking the rules rather than a toddler watching his mother prepare for the day. Maryse was pulling on her Shadowhunter gear, strapping the bracers to her forearms with ease and ensuring she had all the weapons she could possibly need in reach._

_“Momma, I don’t want you to go,” the boy spoke, taking a step toward her but soon hesitating, as if he weren’t allowed to reach her._

  
_The scene nearly broke the woman’s heart. She was doing this for him, for her precious boy who deserved the best possible world to grow up in. He didn’t deserve to deal with a world in which demons and the Downworlders who spawned from them were allowed to run amuck without proper watch from the Shadowhunters. The Clave had failed all of the young Nephilim, and it was up to the Circle to fix their mess. If only a toddler could understand as much. “Oh, Alec, come here,” she called, bending down so the little boy could wrap his small arms around her when he sprinted to her. His hazel eyes were glassy with the tears he was trying hard to hold back. “I’ll be right back. This will be quick.”_

  
_“But why do you have to go?” he asked, not understanding why she was arming herself so heavily. “Why you?”_

  
_“We’re Shadowhunters, Alec,” Maryse explained. She’d already explained to him what they were, where they came from, and what their mission was, but perhaps he didn’t understand the level of commitment to said mission yet. “We’re here to fight the evil demons, right?” When Alec nodded, Maryse gave him a smile of pride. “We have to do everything we can to make sure the demons stay away. I can’t let everyone else do it without helping. We can only win if everyone helps.”_

  
_“Then I wanna go!” Alec shouted, the tears drying almost instantly as the child was instilled with a surge of passion and determination. He attempted a roundhouse kick only to land completely on his butt, pulling a laugh from the nervous mother in front of him._

  
_“Not yet, baby. You have to wait until you’re older, when you can wear the Marks of our people,” Maryse explained, holding out her arm so he could trace the black lines decorating them. Her only child loved to trace them with his little fingers, always so awe-struck by the patterns and constantly beg her for his own. “Soon, but not yet, my little warrior. You’ll be one of the best, you’ll make us Lightwoods so proud.”_  
_Of course, every child had a short attention span. Alec dropped the thought quickly much like any typical toddler, but instead renewed an idea that was so mature it shocked even Maryse. Instead of begging her to let him help, to let him draw a rune on himself, to do anything for his own wellbeing, Alec offered a show of his incredible selflessness. “But I wanna help sister. I wanna help you protect her!” he shouted, his lisp more clear in the sentence than before._

  
_“Oh, Alec, she’ll be safe. She’s here with me, I won’t let anything happen to her, I promise,” Maryse offered, pressing a kiss to his forehead before standing up. She would have to leave with Robert to fight against other Shadowhunters. Alec didn’t understand why but he’d heard his father saying it was because the other Shadowhunters weren’t doing what they were supposed to. “You’re absolutely perfect, my little Shadowhunter.”_

* * *

When Alec next awoke, his head burned. It felt foggy with not only a slight hangover but also the pain of what had to be a mild concussion. It took a few moments for his vision to clear up and reveal the room he was now stuck in. Alec was propped up in the corner of a concrete room, metal cuffs around his wrists to restrain them together. There was a man standing in the room, arms folding behind his back and a smirk clear on his face.

  
“Alec Lightwood. My, how you’ve grown up,” the man spoke, tearing Alec’s attention from his surroundings and how he got to be there.

  
“How do you know that name?” Alec returned, fear seeping into his body once more. He was kidnapped by a different man. What did the pair want with him? Did it have anything to do with what that Magnus guy had mentioned? “I’m Alec Harding. I think you’re mistaken a-”

  
“No, my dear boy. You’ve been misled your entire life. You’ve been led to believe that you’re nothing more than a mundane boy, an orphan to be pitied,” the man continued, stepping ever closer to the twenty-six year old in front of him. Alec wanted to stand up but quickly found his legs were too weak to hold his weight, leaving him slumped on the ground under the other man. “You’re far from it.”  
“I don’t understand,” Alec simply returned, hoping once the man was through with whatever he wanted to tell him that Alec could attempt an escape.

  
“Of course not. How could you? I’m flattered you wrote about me, by the way, but you have some facts wrong there,” the man continued, “But I must say, the information is impressively accurate for a three year old’s observations.” Was this guy crazy? Alec ran through the list of characters in his book, trying desperately to figure out who this man thought he was. How could this man claim to have known him as a kid?  
“Do you know my birth parents? You know where they are?” Alec asked before he could think about how insane it sounded. Was he seriously going to trust his kidnapper to answer honestly? He knew he should’ve been fighting by now, but something in him told Alec that he needed to hear this.

  
“The Lightwoods?” the man scoffed, shaking his head. “Why do you care where they are? They abandoned you all because the Clave told them to.” At Alec’s confused look, the man sighed. “I supposed I should start from the beginning.” He pulled up a chair to sit in front of Alec, though at a distance, and crossed one leg over the other as he spoke. “You know about the Shadow world, at least somewhat. The Shadowhunters you wrote about? They’re real. It’s all real. The Clave is the ruling body of the Shadowhunters, meant to be dedicated to erasing the effects of demons on this world. Yet, they make compromises with Downworlders--werewolves, fey, vampires, warlocks--and ignore the fact that they’re spawned from these demonic forces. The Clave lost sight of their true mission. Your parents used to understand that and joined me on my mission to purify the Shadowhunter mission,” the man explained. “Then they abandoned the cause in fear of their own lives. They were selfish. The Clave told them to abandon one of their children to the mundane world as a show of loyalty, and they chose to give you up without any opposition.”

  
The name came to him amongst the information overload. “You’re Valentine,” Alec spoke, voice small due to the confusion wracking his brain. He could remember the character clearly enough from his books; the leader of the small group of resistance fighters. “This is real?” His head ached as he tried to sift through all of the information being thrown at him from both Valentine and his books.  
“Yes, good!” the man exclaimed as his name was remembered. “I know this is a lot, but it’s time you knew. I’ve been trying to find you for years even when your parents ignored your existence. No Shadowhunter should ever be denied the right to live their life properly, should ever be forced to live as a mundane.” Valentine sounded particularly disgusted by the idea of living a mundane life, Alec noted, just as the character in his book had been. “It was only when the Downworlders began speaking rumors about you a couple days ago that I was able to find you.” Magnus, Alec realized. He supposed he couldn’t be upset at the warlock, for it led him to someone who could explain the world to him.

  
“They never came for me? My parents?” Alec asked then, scared to know the answer but knowing he needed to ask. If only for confirmation of the answer he was already expecting.

  
“The Lightwoods were adamant that you were never supposed to know of this world, but I knew you deserved better, Alec,” Valentine spoke, a look of almost pity crossing his features before returning to a more guarded and neutral expression.

  
“Why did you kidnap me? Who was that other man?” Alec asked.

  
“He was a part of my ranks,” Valentine spoke, “A part of the resistance. I knew you would never understand if we infiltrated your mundane world and tried to explain. I had to bring you here, where there would be no distractions. I never meant to hurt you, and you can leave as you wish, Alec.” Somehow Alec knew that wasn’t completely accurate, but he couldn’t think to protest that moment. “After all, you have Shadowhunter blood and we can be clever, conniving people. This was all necessary until I knew I could trust you.”

  
“And do you?” Alec asked, watching the other man closely. He wasn’t quite sure what to think anymore, but he was beginning to think that perhaps he could trust this man. At least he was trying to give Alec back an integral part of himself he’d lost twenty-three years prior.

  
“Absolutely. After all, we are both victims in this situation. Victims of the Clave,” Valentine answered quickly, gaze focused on the younger male sitting in front of him. “We can help each other.”

  
“How?” Alec asked, raising a brow. He wasn’t quite sure how any of this was possible, but he supposed he had to trust the man. Something deep inside him let Alec know that what Valentine was saying was true. The Shadow World existed and he was meant to be a part of it. That would explain why Alec never quite fit in with the rest of the world around him, and it would certainly explain why he hadn’t existed in the mundane systems before he was a toddler abandoned on the steps of the adoption center. He could clearly remember being taken from his mother and his parents simply standing there, doing nothing to stop him from leaving. Alec supposed Valentine had to be correct in that sense then, too; his parents willingly gave him up and kept him from the life he was meant to live.

  
“You want to be a part of this world again, and I need a spy. I’ll teach you how to be a proper Shadowhunter if you go to the New York Institute, the base of the Clave in this city, and become a part of the ranks. If their problematic ways are to be fixed, then I need to know what their plans are,” Valentine explained. “Can you do this for me?”

  
It did seem a little dangerous. This was nothing like the life he’d lived for two decades, and for that Alec was terrified. He had the feeling this man would not take no for an answer, but he also had the feeling that Alec himself wouldn’t allow a decline of the offer. If the Clave truly was as damaging as this man made it sound, then Alec would help him. In return, he could have the life he was always meant for. When Alec nodded, Valentine smirked, eyes alight with victory. “Fantastic. We can begin training now, Alexander. Say goodbye to your mundane life. You’ll be my greatest ally yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the lovely responses to the first chapter, it truly sparked me to write this as fast as possible. Updates will be quicker now that summer is out. I was super busy before because I was graduating! Wow! Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter! I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'm going to try to update a lot more frequently now because for the last part of June and early July I will be almost completely inactive due to travelling.


	4. Chapter 4

The heavy manacles dropped against the concrete with a sharp clang as they were unlocked from Alec’s wrists. The young man was thankful for the freedom and rubbed at the skin which had turned pink with slight irritation from the metal. The irritation indicated that Alec had been locked in that room for most of the night if not the better part of the next day. “We’re starting now?” Alec asked with concerned filling his voice. “I have to talk to my dad and sister, they’ll be so worried if I don’t come home,” he added, as if to convince the man in front of him that it was a good idea to release him fully.

  
“You can’t go back to your mundane life that easy, Alec,” Valentine began to explain, crossing his arms over his chest as he stood to full height. With the way Alec was still sitting, the other man stood with dominance over the younger male. “Think about it. Demons can come after them if you go back. You’ll lead the danger right to your family. You don’t want that, do you?”

  
As much as Alec hated to admit it, the man before him had a point. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Bea anymore than he already had. She’d just fixed the limp that he basically caused, how could he bring more danger to her? They were better off with him staying put. “They’ll call the police. Everyone will be looking for me,” Alec reasoned, wondering how this man could possibly keep them hidden. After all, the police likely wouldn’t take kindly to fantasy stories about demons and angels, not regarding a kidnapping case.

  
“You put too much faith in the mundane police. There are ways for us to hide,” Valentine explained. “I have to take my leave, but I will send another Shadowhunter in to explain all of this to you and answer any questions you have. You can trust him.” With that, the man stood up and headed out of the room, closing the heavy door behind him.

  
The ‘other Shadowhunter’ that was supposed to arrive didn’t come soon enough, leaving Alec alone in the room. Upon further inspection, he could see that there was only one small window in the room and it opened into an alleyway. There was nothing interesting to look at outside except a brick wall and a dumpster on the other side of the alley. The walls and floor of the room were made of the same concrete and didn’t appear to be failing anytime soon. There were some scratches and markings that caused an uneasy feeling to settle within him; how many others were truly trapped in this room before? What had happened to the others? Alec had to wonder what would have happened to _him_ had he not agreed to Valentine’s plan. The Shadow World was certainly much different from the mundane one he always knew, that much was clear.

  
What felt like an hour later, the door opened. Alec spun on his heels to come face-to-face with a man who had to have been about his age. Dark hair was cut cleanly and brown eyes shone bright as he looked on at Alec. There were black drawings all over his body, peeking out from the dark clothes he wore. “You’re Alec Lightwood, right?” the male asked, setting the two staffs he was carrying in the corner of the room before crossing to stand directly in the center. “I’m Ryland Brookwater.”

  
“Okay, nice to meet you,” Alec tried, not noticing he’d been backing up until the cool wall sent chills down his spine at the contact. The black markings were normal, Alec supposed, for a Shadowhunter. What intensified the nervous feeling in his chest was the circle on the boy’s neck that looked intentional but almost appeared like a burn scar. Had he done that to himself? Would Alec be expected to do the same?

  
“I’ll be in charge of your training. We can’t send you to the Institute if you don’t know what you’re doing. But first, I’m sure you have a lot of questions for me,” Ryland finally spoke, walking to the back wall and sitting down against it. Alec paused only for a second before sitting beside him, appreciating the peer-like gesture rather than the posture of superiority that Valentine had carried as he sat above Alec. “It’ll be overwhelming for you. Most people grow up in this world so learn all of this over the course of years. You’ll have to learn this as quickly as possible, Valentine can be impatient.”

  
“Valentine, he’s....the leader? Of the Shadowhunters?” Alec asked finally, noticing the way Valentine gave orders so easily and the way Ryland spoke of him.

  
A chuckle from Ryland there. “Not quite. The Clave is the governing body of the Shadowhunters. It’s a group of people serving together as the leading body. Valentine broke away years ago because the Clave wasn’t doing their job right. He’s the leader of a resistance group, one dedicated to overthrowing the Clave and setting up a new, better government for the Shadowhunters. One that actually rules as it should. That’s the Circle,” he explained.

  
“Is that the, uh-” Alec began to ask, gesturing wordlessly to his neck. The explanation seemed as good as any, but the scarring seemed like a bit much.

  
“Yeah, this is a sign of loyalty to the Circle,” Ryland answered, nodding his head. “It’s drawn like a rune, but since it isn’t an official rune technically, it burns like this. I don’t think you’ll have to get this mark, considering you’re a spy for the Circle. They’d arrest you in two seconds flat if you walked into the Institute with this mark. They hate the Circle for clear reasons. We’re gaining ground, they feel threatened by us.” It sounded like something out of a dystopian novel, Alec noted. A tyrannical, harsh government against a resistance movement that was having to use increasingly more drastic actions to take them down.

  
“The guy who took me. He didn’t call me a Shadowhunter, he called me a...” Alec began, searching for the proper word.

  
“Nephilim? It’s another word for our kind. We’re not just human, we have angel blood in our veins too. The story goes that the angels created us as a frontline against the increasing demonic presence in the world. Our job was to help the angels to fight against the demons, keep from from overtaking the world. We haven’t seen an angel in centuries, but we keep up our fight. It’s our one purpose, to fight an everlasting war,” Ryland explained. “That’s why you have to learn how to fight. Shadowhunter kids began training as soon as possible. We grow up soldiers because that’s our purpose in life.” Alec could remember his mother mentioning him being too young for training, too young to fight alongside her. He could remember the pure want to do what his parents did. It must be relieving for kids growing up in that world; they never had to question their purpose in life, it was always deeping ingrained in them. Alec could also remember his years in high school, panicking because he couldn’t find a topic of study that interested him. It seemed that none of the careers his school was suggesting would work for him. Alec had truly wondered if he could ever fit in the world. He supposed this was why; he was never meant to fit in the mundane world, he didn’t have a purpose there. His purpose was with the Shadowhunters fighting demons, as crazy as it sounded.

  
“How did you guys find me?” Alec finally asked, the question nipping at the edges of his mind since he woke up in the room. If he could be found so easily, why had no one bothered him in the twenty-three years he’s lived as a member of the Harding family? “Why wouldn’t you guys take me in earlier?”

  
“We would’ve,” Ryland answered quickly, though allowed himself a full moment to think before he expanded on the answer. “Valentine had the Circle trying to find evidence of you living somewhere. He knew the Clave exiled you to New York City, but there are so many mundane children living in the city. It would have been impossible to find you until you found your way back to the Shadow World on your own, and you did.” Ryland barked out a laugh at the look of shock on Alec’s face. “What, do you think no one watches the High Warlock of Brooklyn? Some Downworlder saw a man walk into that building that had the features of Alec Lightwood and even had what looked like a rune. Word spread quickly that the lost Lightwood son had returned. Well, Valentine knew where to look then.”

  
It all seemed so impossible. He felt more like the protagonist of a novel rather than a real, living human being. Though, Alec supposed he wasn’t _entirely_ human then, was he? When Alec asked no further questions, Ryland nodded and pulled out what looked like a piece of marbled stone, pointed at the end. “We won’t go too far, but it’s important that you begin being runed. We’ll give you a couple of permanent runes now. These are marks that only the Nephilim can bear as they draw strength from the angels. These runes can be used in battle,” Ryland began explaining as he moved to sit in front of Alec rather than beside him. He grabbed the black-haired male’s right hand, hovering the stone just over it. “This is a stele, what we use to draw these runes. I’ll give you the one that hones in your Sight now.”

  
“I already have 20/20 vision,” Alec noted dumbly.

  
Another laugh from Ryland there. “No, not vision,” he cackled, shaking his head. Finally the other man was able to calm himself enough to actually voice an explanation. “Mundanes usually can’t see the Shadow World. They would never see the telltale signs of vampires, werewolves, demons. They don’t see the Institutes around the world or Shadowhunter weaponry. Most Shadowhunters are born with the Sight to see past the glamour around them, but this rune allows it to be a subconscious effort to see rather than one that has to always be practiced and actively put into effect. Make sense?” When Alec nodded, Ryland held up the stele again. “This will probably burn. It gets easier the more runes you apply.”

  
Ryland was under exaggerating the pain that stemmed from the stele. The instant the stone touched Alec’s skin, he was on fire. He bit his lip in an attempt to stifle a shout of pain, but still a few sounds slipped as Ryland drew the black lines on the back of his hand. The seconds felt like minutes but soon enough the stone withdrew from his hand and Alec was left with only a lingering stinging feeling. “I know it hurts, but we should do another, too. How about the rune you remembered? That tattoo on your neck is the deflect rune. When it’s activated, Shadowhunters can’t track you. This will be a good one to have.” It felt like the skin there was more sensitive than on his hand. Possibly it was because there was already ink underneath the skin, but maybe because Alec could feel the pulsing from his carotid grow sharper with the continued burn of the stele just over it. It was a relief when the rune was drawn, just overlapping the tattoo. “Get some rest, and then we’ll move on to some combat training,” Ryland returned, standing and soon exiting the room to allow Alec a moment to gather himself physically and mentally.

  
In what Alec assumed to be just a day, his entire life had changed for better or for worse. There was never any doubt that Alec’s childhood before adoption was a mystery. The man could distinctly remember Gerald asking and digging, trying to find any link to a family before him. As far as the United States government was concerned, the Lightwood family had never existed as Alec claimed to know them. Not only that, but he’d always seemed to heal just a bit faster than Bea ever could, and then there was the hospital incident after the car wreck. Had the angel blood within him protested being further diluted with mundane, was that why he’d very nearly died that night?

  
The Shadow World was crazy. Alec was undoubtedly impressed with himself for remembering key points about the world after only being immersed in it for the first three years of his life. There was still a lot he’d missed; he hadn’t called the governing body the Clave and a lot about the particular events and marks he’d forgotten. Still, the basic fact remained that despite what the Lightwoods apparently wanted to have happen, Alec remembered the world he was meant to live in. He just wished the next rune he got would burn a lot less than the first two.

  
It wasn’t long before Ryland was making another appearance, dressed the same though carrying a look of greater importance, as if he knew how vital this was to Alec. “Every Shadowhunter has to be a proficient fighter. You won’t last two seconds on a mission if you can’t defend yourself. Good thing you’re learning from one of the best. I was top of class in my year,” Ryland explained, gesturing with his hand for Alec to stand up. “Are you familiar with any fighting?”

  
“I’ve been taking martial arts classes since I was ten,” Alec returned, wondering if that was sufficient enough. Gerald had insisted he learn how to fight back when he was in middle school and a group of boys attacked him in the hallway. Just a few weeks later Gerald had gotten a call from the school that Alec had broken a kid’s nose. When the man drove to the school to pick up Alec, the boy was already sitting in the principal’s office and taking the consequences without protesting. Alec could still remember the look of pride that had washed over Gerald Harding’s face that day; it had been a look that made Alec forget that Gerald wasn’t his biological father. For all he knew, he was always meant to be a Harding.

  
“That’s a good start,” Ryland spoke, “That’ll make it easier for you to fit in.” Without warning, Ryland shot his arm out to hit Alec. The other man responded quickly, but the fist still caught him in the shoulder as he mostly dodged the hit. “Always be ready. Shadowhunters are always paying attention to their surroundings, focused on finding any irregularity.”

  
Alec didn’t know how many times it took Ryland knocking him on his ass before he started to get the hang of it. All the man knew was that by the time the day was over, his ass hurt from falling so many times and he was finally able to deflect attacks properly. His movements were still choppy compared to the grace Ryland carried when he moved, but Alec had a feeling that he would get better the more he practiced on it. After all, he didn’t really have much of a choice.

  
Eventually, the two men ended up in their original spots on the ground, backs against the wall. Ryland had his legs all the way stretched out while Alec brought one knee up, draping his arm over it. His heart rate hadn’t completely returned to normal but at least his breathing was no longer as severe as it was just moments before. “So what’s your story?” Alec asked, continuing when he noticed the look Ryland gave him, “I mean, how’d you end up here. With the Circle.”

  
Enough silence passed between them that Alec truly believed the other man chose to ignore him. It was only when Alec gave up on a response that he actually got one. “I grew up in Alicante, as most kids do. When I was old enough I was sent to the New York Institute where I served as a Shadowhunter under the Head of Institute there, Robert Lightwood.” Alec’s breath hitched in his throat at the mention of the man. His parents lived this close to him this entire time, and not once had they attempted to see him? If Alec hadn’t already lost faith in his birth parents, he did in that very moment. “I began noticing the favoritism there. The Clave and Head of Institute allowed some Downworlders to get away with shady business just by paying them off. It wasn’t right. So, when I was contacted by someone in the Circle, I ran away from the Institute. As far as they know, I’m dead. Missing in action.”

  
“Damn. Any family?” Alec asked, glancing sideways to the other dark-haired man. He wasn’t totally sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

  
“I lived with my dad in Idris. Mom was killed by a demon when I was six. It was something we all have to prepare for. The average lifespan for a Shadowhunter is about thirty-two, so considering she made it to twenty-six was pretty damn good,” Ryland began to explained, further noting how dark the Shadow World could be. The lifespan for a Shadowhunter was infinitesimally smaller than that of a mundane who with proper medicine and care could not uncommonly reach a century old. A shudder ran through Alec at the thought that according to Shadowhunter standards he was old. “I’ve made some good friends in New York though, we’re all practically family there. Wish I could’ve stayed.”

  
“So, I’m just going to walk into the Institute and announce I’m the missing Lightwood kid?” Alec asked, sounding skeptical of the plan. If they hadn’t wanted him in the world in the first place, what made Valentine think that they’d accept him now?

  
“No,” Ryland returned, pausing as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to give away the plan yet. Eventually, though, the man decided it was better to inform Alec on the plan than keep him in the dark. It certainly built the man’s trust in the Circle. “I went missing a year and a half ago. It would be natural for them to think I was taken. We’ll plant you in a building, rough you up a bit, and you’ll pretend to be me. They’ll ‘rescue’ you after being given some intel, and there you go. I’m already a trusted figure in the Institute, and you look somewhat like me. We just have to make sure you have the right scars and the right permanent runes to match me.”

  
The plan was ridiculous. Studying Ryland’s features now, Alec could begin to see the resemblance. His dark hair was cut clean and crisp unlike Alec’s slightly messy hair, but that could easily be explained. If he were truly held captive for nearly two years then he wouldn’t have had a well-kept haircut. Alec wasn’t weak by any means but it was clear Ryland had more muscle and just more body mass to him. Again, that could be explained by malnourishment in the time. Plus, Alec figured in his training he would build more muscle than he thought possible for himself. They were about the same height and though Alec’s eyes more hazel compared to Ryland’s brown ones, the man had to admit that they had some uncanny similarities. As long as Alec knew what he was talking about when it came to the Shadow World and as long as he remembered to be addressed by Ryland’s name, then the plan could work at least for as long as the Circle needed it to. “Okay,” Alec answered simply, nodding his head as the plan solidified in his mind.

  
“Okay? That’s it?” Ryland laughed then, shaking his head. “Guess you’re more of a Shadowhunter than I thought, just going with the plan and trusting we know what we’re doing like that.” It was a relieving thought, that perhaps he could make it in this world after all, just not as Alexander Gideon Lightwood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much once again! I'll try to get plenty of updates in now before I have to go on vacation. Things will start to pick up but this stuff was all important to establish. Next chapter - Alec meets the NY Institute and its residents. ;)
> 
> Anyway, I'd love to hear what you thought and how I could make this better!


	5. Chapter 5

“What’s your name?” the voice commanded as an arm flew out at Alec’s right. Alec turned his staff to block the blow from the opposing staff as he returned quickly, “Ryland Michael Brookewater.” There was little time to think as blow after blow and question after question was thrown at him.

   
“How old are you?” “Twenty-three.”  
“Where are you from?” “Idris.”

  
“Where have you been for the past year and a half?” “I was taken by the Circle while I was out walking. I was interrogated for information but I didn’t give anything. They took my stele, I couldn’t get out.”

  
“Who makes up the family of the Head of Institute at New York?” “Robert and Maryse Lightwood. Jace Wayland, adopted when he was ten. Max Lightwood, the youngest. And uh...”

  
“And who else?!” Ryland fired at Alec, managing to get a blow in to his side while the other man was thinking. Alec’s ribs erupted into pain; there’d be a decently-sized bruise he’d have to iratze away when the training was over. “Isabelle! Isabelle Lightwood, the eldest.”

  
“Did you forget one?” “No. Alexander Lightwood isn’t talked about anymore. We pretend he didn’t exist.” The words felt mechanic out of his mouth, as if he weren’t actually talking about himself. Finally the training stopped all at once, Ryland dropping his staff and grinning.

  
“You did it,” Ryland returned, wiping sweat from his brow before clapping Alec on the shoulder. “I’ll tell Valentine and we could have you in the Institute in a couple of days. Look, I know it’s been rough, but this’ll be worth it in the end. I really appreciate what you’re doing for us. Valentine would never tell you that, but he knows he needs you.” In the time Alec had been with the Circle, his visits with Valentine became few and far between. In fact, the only person he saw on a daily basis was Ryland and it was mostly to train, though through his training he’d come to know the other man. It was clear why Ryland was a trusted member of this group; he was charming, hard-working, and was definitely a fantastic asset in a fight. It would be tough to keep up that personality when Alec was sent into the Institute. Ryland had quickly become a steadying force for Alec where every visit from Valentine sent him uneasy again.

  
Not moments later did said man enter the training room. In the time Alec had been there, he’d been moved out of the holding cell and into an actual bedroom like the others and was given access to the training facility where he and Ryland spent most of their time. “How is training coming along?” Valentine called out, ignoring Alec entirely and watching only his trainer.

  
“He’s ready, sir,” Ryland returned, glancing to Alec with a small smile. It would be a relief to get out of the building and actually do something helpful.

  
Valentine walked carefully toward Alec, his eyes never leaving the trainee’s. He stopped only when he was just in front of Alec, staring him down intently. “What’s your name?”

  
“Ryland Brookewater,” Alec answered instantaneously. It had taken days to get the reaction right, at first he’d begun to answer with his own name before remembering who he was pretending to be.

  
“Where’s Alec Lightwood?” Valentine asked further.

  
“No one knows,” Alec returned, trying to keep his voice steady despite feeling uncomfortable this close to the other man. Before he could realize what was happening, Alec’s cheek burned brightly and a shock ran through his system. Valentine had slapped him, undoubtedly leaving a bright red handprint there.

  
“No. From here on out, _Alexander Lightwood is dead_ ,” Valentine returned. “You’re Ryland Brookewater from here on out. Forget who you were before or you will mess up. Is that understood?”

  
“Yes, sir,” Alec gritted out, wanting nothing more than to hit Valentine back but knowing better than to act upon such wishes.

  
“Good. Let’s get you dressed and ready for the Institute to find you. Ryland?” When the other Circle soldier nodded, Valentine left the room looking quite pleased with himself.

  
There was silence once more between the pair as Ryland guided Alec down more hallways and across an alley until they were back in the holding building, until they were standing back in the room Alec had woken up in so long ago. “I would have been wearing my Shadowhunter gear when I was taken. They probably would have taken a lot of it, but here’s the clothing,” Ryland explained, handing Alec a dark shirt and pair of pants. The clothes were already torn in places and dirty; clearly the Circle had already thought ahead. “And, you’re not gonna like the next part. I’ll try to go easy on you.” When Alec took on a confused and clearly concerned expression, Ryland sighed and explained, “We have to make it look like you’ve been held against your will. Any Clave-trained Shadowhunter would continue to fight back.”

  
“So you have to beat me up,” Alec concluded, a sinking feeling in his chest. How had he gotten wrapped up in this plan? There were several elements to it he was still nervous about. He was being roughed up by the one person here he trusted, he would have to infiltrate an already paranoid institution while also trying not to reveal he was taking on a persona. Not only that, but if anyone found out his true identity as an exiled Shadowhunter, the Lightwood boy to make matters worse, well, Alec shuddered when thinking about the consequences. Something he didn’t dare consider was the consequence for failing Valentine, as he figured that would be worse than anything else he was already worrying about. “Go ahead. It’s the job, I get it. I’d rather it be you.”

  
Ryland nodded, allowing a brief smile to take on his face as he brought the other man in for a quick hug. Over the weeks Alec was there, the pair had definitely become close; they hadn’t really had another option. “Make sure you’re calling me often to keep us informed on what you’re learning. I'll see you in a few months.”

* * *

Time seemed to run together for Alec. Sitting in a chilly, dark room was incredibly boring he quickly came to figure out. He wasn’t afraid because he knew that the Institute would be led right to where he was, but he still found himself hoping that they’d find him much sooner than expected. The bruises littering Alec’s upper body and face ached and his fingers itched for the stele he no longer possessed; wanting nothing more than to draw a healing rune for himself.

Just a few weeks prior, Alec was a simple author and waiter. He was Alec Harding, the young man who was lucky to have been adopted by a wonderful family who truly cared for him with every fibre of their beings. He was a man who had slipped right through school with little trouble or attention, whose worst worry was figuring out how to make rent for his apartment rather than keeping up his act as a spy for a resistance movement against a misacting government body. Somehow in the span of a few weeks, Alec went from being a normal person to sitting against a cold concrete wall waiting for someone to find him.

Luckily, someone did just that after what felt like days of waiting. Knowing how serious the Circle was about keeping appearances, it very well could have been days. The door to the room opened slowly, as if the people entering feared making too much noise. When they realized noone was there to attack, however, the door swung open fully, casting a bright light into the room and onto Alec’s face. “Ryland!” An unfamiliar voice called out, echoing about the room. A man with shocking blond hair hurried to Alec’s slumped form, his miscolored eyes taking the injuries in quickly. “Can you walk on your own? We have to get out of here before they come back.”

  
“I’ll try,” Alec spoke, surprising himself by how weak his voice sounded. It must have been days, then, for the lack of food or water to have such an effect on him. The man before him held out a palm to help him up, though it became apparent that Alec’s legs weren’t able to keep him fully upright.

  
“Okay, c’mere,” the stranger murmured, draping Alec’s arm around his shoulders and holding some of his weight up for him. The man had to have been near Alec’s age and was clearly a Shadowhunter; if not because of the runes decorating his pale skin then because of the gear he wore and the blade strapped at his waist.

  
In truth, the walk from the building to the Institute was lost to Alec in a haze. He could vaguely recall another man moving to support Alec’s other side as Alec struggled to carry his weight at all. When Alec woke up in a mostly white room, he assumed he must have lost consciousness soon after being ‘rescued’. The room was fairly empty, though contained a couple rows of plain white beds. This was the infirmary, Alec concluded when the fog began to drift from his head. They must have brought him straight back to the Institute then, no questions asked. This may be more simple than he’d ever anticipated.

  
“Oh! You’re awake, thank the angel,” another unfamiliar voice breathed from the doorway. The woman who spoke rushed over to his bedside then, sitting in the stiff wooden chair beside the bed and grasping his pale hand in her own. Her blond hair stood out against her skin and her green eyes shone with worry as she looked at him. The way her eyes reflected the light revealed that she had either recently been crying or she was holding back newly formed tears. Dark runes also smattered her skin though she wasn’t wearing the gear the other Shadowhunters had been before. Instead, she was dressed simply, as if she were prepared to be sitting still in the building for awhile. “We thought we lost you, Ry.”

  
There it was. They truly believed that he was Ryland Brookewater. That was when it clicked for Alec who this woman was. A twinge of guilt spread across his body as he was providing this woman a false reunion with her boyfriend. It will only hurt worse when he leaves again, when it’s made clear that he played her for a fool and her real boyfriend had left of his own account to fight against the council she fought for. “Elodie,” Alec breathed, trying to relax the tension in his body as one would if they were given the sight of someone they cared for. Ryland and Elodie had begun dating not long after the man was assigned to the New York Institute, having been set up by Elodie’s friend Izzy. His heart clenched for a moment at the prospect of meeting Isabelle Lightwood, his would-be sister if things had gone differently. It was strange to think that this fake life Alec was taking on would have been his if his parents would have allowed it. “I-” Alec tried though failed to find suitable words to give her. It was under the pretense of too much emotion that Alec hid behind rather than the lack of it.

  
“I know. You did what you had to do,” Elodie spoke, mechanically as if it were a phrase she had to repeat several times over the past year and a half. “I’m just glad you’re back. I thought...we’ve been through so much, but I thought this time you weren’t coming back.” The woman sounded tired, as if it had taken too long to come to the realization. As if the mere thought of losing Ryland physically hurt her. Alec would make sure to scold the real Ryland on the phone when he could for leaving this woman without any closure and leaving him to clean up the mess. Elodie squeezed his hand once before her shoulders straightened and she eased into the posture of a soldier. It seemed the Clave had one thing in common with the Circle; its members had to be soldiers in every situation, putting the greater goal over their own emotions and wants. “The Heads of Institute will be back from Alicante soon. They’ll want to talk to you about what happened.”

  
In other words, they’ll want to know if he said anything to the Circle in the time he was ‘captured’. This was the moment in which he’d see his parents again, granted they had no idea the reunion was happening. Perhaps they never would know. Alec could look back on this moment and find closure when his parents never would be able to; it would be his own subtle revenge for leaving him behind so many years before. “Thanks, Elodie,” he returned, not missing the dip in the woman’s eyebrows as he responded.

  
“Ry, are you okay?” she asked, tilting her head to the side slightly as her face filled with true concern. “I know it’s a strange question to ask, considering, but....you’re starting to worry me.”

  
Alec didn’t miss the way her hand pulled from his, how she kept her gaze averted from him. A chill ran down his back as he realized he’d messed up somewhere, cast a shadow of a doubt in Elodie’s mind. He would have to save it somehow. “I know I’m not acting like myself. I just, it was getting hard to hold on. I thought I wouldn’t get the chance to see you again, and then I wake up and, well, here you are.” That did it. He could see the gentle quiver of her lower lip as Elodie tried to keep herself composed and could also see the moment she gave up on it. She thrust herself forward to wrap him in a hug, holding him tightly as if she were afraid of losing him. More guilt began to weigh down Alec’s shoulders, but he just kept reminding himself that if he continued acting like this then the real Ryland would have a chance to return to Elodie. He was doing all of this for the greater good, even if it felt completely wrong in the moment.

  
Thankfully, someone decided to ruin the moment by clearing their throat. When Elodie sat back and allowed Alec to look on the two people standing just inside the infirmary, his breath was almost literally pulled from his chest. There was a moment of fear where he wondered if he’d ever remember how to breathe again. They were older than he remembered and looked more burnt out, as if the weight of the world had been perched on their shoulders for decades. Still, the bald man and black-haired woman before Alec were almost certainly his parents. “Ryland, it’s good to see you’re awake. You seem to be doing well?” The man who had to be Robert spoke up, arms folded behind his back and tension in his voice giving across a distant and authoritative aura. He was not the Head of Institute for no reason.

  
“Yes. Thank you, Mr. Lightwood,” Alec returned, trying to force the name through his lips as if it were a word he had never formed before. He hoped the new tension in his shoulders could be construed as pain rather than the resentment that was filling him. The pair were looking at him with slight concern in their expressions, but if they truly knew, would they feel any of the same worry? Ryland and Valentine had made it far too clear what the Lightwoods would do if they ever found out who he truly was; they’d either cast him out again or send him to the Clave where he would surely be executed for returning from exile. They’d left him once, they’d easily do it again.

  
Still, Alec was surprised to see genuine care on the woman’s face. Maryse walked toward him slowly, standing just beside the chair Elodie was perched on. He knew from what Ryland told him that she preferred to keep less distance than Robert ever did, but Alec wasn’t prepared for her to actually be worried. “I speak for the entire Institute when I say we are so glad to have you back. It wasn’t the same without you around,” Maryse spoke slowly, as if her words could scare him off. When Alec nodded in thanks and gave a brief smile, Maryse continued. “I hate to ask you this so soon, but you know as well as anyone the protocol we must follow. Ryland, you were held captive by the Circle for over a year, and likely interrogated for information. Did you give any information to them, anything at all?”

  
The air in the room grew as thick and heavy as the atmosphere after a good rainstorm. Everyone was waiting with bated breaths to hear Alec’s response. He winced, shaking his head slowly. “No, no I couldn’t.” The entire room seemed to breathe a sigh of relief at that, leading Alec to wonder if action would actually be taken against someone who was likely tortured for information. If he didn’t already hate the Clave based on the information given, then he did in that moment.

  
“Good. You can have as much time as you need to recuperate, the Clave understands. We understand,” Maryse spoke up then, moving to return to her husband’s side.

  
“With all due respect, I’d rather get back to work as soon as possible. I want to get back to being myself,” Alec spoke up, which caused a flash of what looked like respect in Robert’s eyes.

  
“Of course. It’s good to have you back. We have to return to Alicante for another Clave meeting, but Jace will be here if you need anything,” Maryse returned, giving him a nod before the Lightwoods were gone, just like that. Of course, Jace must have been the blond who rescued him before. He was the Wayland boy that the Lightwoods adopted when he was ten. He was only a couple years younger than Alec. The Harding boy couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps they’d been so willing to adopt him because he could replace the son they gave up.

  
“Are you sure you don’t want to rest some more before you get back to work?” Elodie asked, more concern in her gaze. Alec would just be thankful when that look of pity would disappear from people’s faces, when they no longer thought he would break with one wrong move.

  
“Actually, could you help me to my room? I might rest for a bit before I do,” Alec spoke. It would be a good way to get them to show him where the proper bedroom was without them getting suspicious. “Thanks, Elodie,” he added once more. He swung his legs gingerly over the bed, noting that he was no longer in pain but did have a residual aching feeling. Alec wished he would have known about the healing rune through his whole life, like when he had fallen out of a tree and broken his arm when he was twelve. The walk was quiet, neither sure of what to say to one another. Alec had to wonder if he felt like another person to the woman, if she would be the first to tell he wasn’t her Ryland. Alec would have to be especially careful around her if he didn’t want to get busted.

  
When Alec was safely in the small bedroom, he allowed himself to pull out his phone. He had to call Ryland and let the Circle know that he got in and the Lightwoods trusted him, at least for now. Not only that, but in a building full of enemies it would be good to talk to someone he knew without a doubt that he could trust. He may not fully trust Valentine, but he trusted Ryland and that was good enough for him to put his faith in the Circle.

  
“Alec! Is everything okay?” the familiar voice called through the phone.

  
“Yeah, it’s good. This is my first check-in,” he noted, sitting down on the edge of the bed there. With one glance Alec could tell the thing would be just a bit too short for his tall body, though that was to be expected. Ryland had warned him that the Clave didn’t exactly provide for their soldiers well. “I met the Lightwoods. They trust me,” he spoke in a low voice to avoid being overheard; he still wasn’t sure how thin the walls were there. “I think your girlfriend thinks something is up, though. She really misses you, man, but that’s not enough for her to miss that I’m not you.”

  
There was silence for just a moment before Ryland sighed, as if he were about to do something he sincerely regretted. “Look, Alec, you’re right. It was silly of me to think that she wouldn’t notice something was up. You have to distance yourself from her.”

  
“Ryland, what are you saying? I thought that you wanted me to keep things how they were so when you came back-”

  
“We can’t worry about that right now. I can’t come back if she blows your cover,” Ryland spoke though with such tension it was clear he was hurting. “You have to end things with her. It’s the only way to get around this, Alec. After that, stick close with Jace and Izzy. They were friends before but not close enough that they would notice something was off. Okay?”

  
“Okay,” Alec returned, feeling more guilt pressing on him. He got to return to the life that was meant for him, but at what cost? He was just ruining Ryland’s chances of having a good life when he returned to the people that he cared about. Alec didn’t understand it, but he respected Ryland’s ability to place his duty over his emotions. “I’ll check-in with you soon.” With that, the phone call ended and Alec had a task to complete no matter how heavy it weighed on his conscience.

  
Alec hadn’t gone far out of his room before the same blond man from before jogged up to him, clapping him once on the back. “Just the man I was looking for,” the man who could only be Jace called out. “Heard you were ready to get back into it?”

  
“Of course,” Alec responded quickly, straightening his back and waiting for the order to arrive.

  
“We’ll start you off easy then. High Warlock has to come in and check the wards around this place. Think you can walk him around, make sure he doesn’t do anything he’s not supposed to?” Jace asked, hardly waiting for Alec’s nod before he grinned, “Perfect. Knew you could, Ryland.” Before Alec knew what was happening, Jace was walking with him to the front of the Institute before leaving him there to wait for the warlock. It seemed like a simple enough job.

  
That is, until Alec saw who was standing there. The showy way of dress and kohl-lined eyes could not be forgotten. Panic filled Alec’s body as he realized who the High Warlock was. Shit. He glanced around, noticing how many Shadowhunters were walking around the Institute, at least in the front room. Alec crossed the room to the man standing before him, noticing the way the warlock’s eyes widened and his lips parted, as if to question how he’d gotten there. “Not here,” Alec hissed under his breath, wincing at how his voice shook. How had he forgotten his previous run-in with this warlock? It was typical that nothing ever seemed to go right in the plan, leaving Alec to improvise on how to keep his identity a secret. “Let’s go,” Alec spoke sharply, pushing his shoulders back and beginning to walk stiffly through the corridors, only beginning to breathe again when the number of Shadowhunters around them dwindled to a few number with every turn.

  
“Wow, you got the Nephilim arrogance down quickly,” the warlock spoke from beside him with what appeared to be a smirk toying at his lips.

  
“Stop,” Alec snapped, fearing one of the few Shadowhunters that passed would hear something off.

  
“And the Lightwood bossy attitude, at that. You fit right in here, Al-” Magnus began to taunt, only for Alec to spin around and grab the man’s arms tightly, as if trying to convey how serious this was.  
“Stop. They don’t know who I am,” Alec explained, voice tense as he tried to speak as quietly as possible, even though he knew there was noone left in the corridor to overhear.

  
Magnus raised one eyebrow as he glanced at the hands holding his arms. Alec could see the other man working through the situation, figuring out his best course of action. “I gathered as much, little angel,” he spoke, sounding almost amused at the situation. “I just wonder how you went from being convinced you were mundane to hiding out in the Institute your dear parents run.”

  
“It’s a long story for another day,” Alec returned, “I don’t have to explain a thing to you.”

  
“Actually you do. That is, if you don’t want me to shout your name through the entire Institute.” Alec glared at the warlock then, wondering briefly if it was acceptable to hit the High Warlock of the area, or if that would cause him more trouble than what it was worth.

  
How could he explain without giving himself away? The only suitable way to get the man to shut up was seemingly telling him of Alec’s entire purpose there, but he could already hear Ryland’s warning voice. No one could know why he was there under any circumstances because they couldn’t trust anyone with the information. Alec sighed, running his hand furiously through his hair as he released the warlock, shoulders slumping some. “I couldn’t get it out of my head, what you told me about being a part of this world. I wanted it. So I didn’t stop until I found a way to get here, and that way involves me being Ryland Brookewater indefinitely instead of, well, you know.”

  
“Clever,” Magnus mused, nodding his head once before he crossed his arms. His entire posture spoke of defense, remaining as closed off as possible. It was clear he didn’t feel secure in the Institute and Alec doubted it just had to do with him. “Your family is distraught, you know.”

  
“What?”

  
“I knew the Shadowhunters don't care about mundanes, but I didn't know you'd forget about the only people that actually care about you _that_ quickly,” Magnus continued, surprising Alec even more. When Alec tilted his downward in guilt, the warlock before him only continued speaking, “Just go see them. Let them know you’re alive.”

  
“I can’t do that, not without possibly compromising wh-” Alec began, ready to begin explaining the importance of what he was doing. He stopped himself, hurt filling his system. He wanted nothing more than to go see Gerald and Bea, let them know that he was alive and well. That he had to go but he would be okay. They wouldn’t understand it but it would be for their own safety. Alec would do anything to keep them safely ignorant when it came to this world.

  
“If you don’t talk to them then I will tell Maryse Lightwood herself who you really are,” the warlock warned.

  
“Why do you care so much?” It did confuse Alec. The man had cured Bea of her ever-present limp, yes, but it had been for money not out of the goodness of his heart. Not only that, but the warlock had seemed determined on staying out of the Lightwood affair which Alec was quickly beginning to understand why. It was a mess that even he wished to stay out of even if that were completely impossible.

  
Alec admittedly could have stared into those brown eyes for eternity. The way they looked at him with so much depth, as if there was more that could have been said between them. It was clear that this warlock was wise, that he’d seen a lot in his years and understood the situation better than Alec could have ever hoped. The moment was fleeting though, for soon the warlock was cut off once more, leaving Alec with the phantom feeling of understanding. “Because your sister continues to pester me, begging me to find you. It’s become annoying.” Magnus had returned to his doesn’t-give-a-damn attitude and for good reason. Alec hadn’t given him any indication that he’d be safe in opening up. He’d been brash and cold toward the warlock, but he didn’t have time to be anything else.

  
Still, Alec was beginning to understand that perhaps acting like a Circle spy was a sure way of being found out. He would need allies in this if he were to get through the months required by Valentine. As much as he hated to admit it, Ryland couldn’t actually help him if he needed it. So, Alec sighed and nodded his head, ruffling his hair once more in an act of nervousness. “Okay, I will. Just don’t tell anyone who I am. Please.” The young man hated to beg, but he knew that in this situation the warlock did indeed have the upper hand.

  
“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me, Ryland,” Magnus responded with a wink and a smirk, unexpectedly causing Alec to blush furiously. It wasn’t often that someone caused such an effect on him, but the young Shadowhunter could only blame it on the fact that it’s been a trying day through and through. The smirk dropped quickly though to be replaced by a serious look on the warlock’s bronze face. “But just know, little angel, if it comes down to me or you, don’t think for a second that I won’t talk.”

  
“Understood,” Alec returned with a nod, breathing a sigh of relief when the smirk returned and Magnus’s figure looked considerably less serious. Though, as they continued walking through the Institute, Alec could feel the sheer power beside him despite the joking attitude. He had to wonder how the Shadowhunters had managed to hold any power over the warlocks when Alec could already tell that if Magnus truly wanted him dead he could snap his fingers and make it happen.

  
The Shadow World was a more confusing place than Alec ever thought it could be. He just hoped he could keep up without drowning. It was getting steadily harder the longer Alec remained in the Institute. There was one factor that the Circle had never anticipated; no matter how much they wished it to be true, _Alexander Lightwood was far from dead_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! I'm trying to make chapters longer now, so let me know what you thought. I really am blown away by the response this has gotten so far, it's been absolutely amazing. Next chapter should have more interactions with some other important people in the Institute and finding out how the Institute is run without Alec Lightwood keeping the peace. Also, Bea makes another appearance and that isn't the last time Alec and Magnus meet.
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading thus far and I'd really love to hear your thoughts on this so far.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! I have a quick ask before I continue this chapter. I've begun to realize that it may be good to have another pair of eyes on this work. That being said, would anyone at all be willing to beta read for me? Just let me know if you are! Xxx

_ Storms always seemed to calm Alec Lightwood. The steady tapping of the rain on the windows in the room he shared with two other boys always seemed to lull him to sleep. The thunder was loud but never seemed to phase him unlike the two other boys who instantly began screaming and crying in their beds when the noise shook the walls. Stormy nights were always busy for the care workers at the orphanage but the workers always knew one thing; they never had to worry about dear Alexander. He was unbelievably quiet, hardly saying anything to the other boys and never talking about his past. Of course, they’d all tried to get it out of him. The boy had showed up on the steps of the center just three years prior and didn’t seem to exist. His parents had gone off the reservation and never registered Alec as a living person. There was absolutely no proof of life for Alec and that in itself made the care workers interested. _

_ Still, Alec was a stone statue when it came to relating to others. They’d actually begun to worry about his chances of adoption due to the lack of communication he seemed to have. The workers had called in therapists to sit and talk with him, but all they could theorize was that he faced some kind of abuse in his early life that caused the stoic nature. After all, six year old kids were meant to be rebellious and obnoxious, not still and calm like a soldier. With kids that young the center had a revolving door. People loved to adopt young kids before they had too many memories of a past family that would always keep them somewhat distant from them. Still, Alec Lightwood had never once been up for adoption. _

_ When Gerald Harding walked into the room with his toddler daughter in tow, the care workers instantly led him to the room with boys aged 5-7. The other boys were played with the few toys there, wildly laughing and occasionally throwing the pieces of plastic at each other. Alec was sat on his bed facing the window, one hand pressed to the chilled glass as he watched the rain knock against it. Even to the present day Gerald failed to have an explanation for why he was drawn to the quiet boy, but soon he was walking over to the boy with an unruly tuft of black hair on his head. “Hey, buddy,” Gerald began, keeping one hand holding onto Bea’s and the other lifted to wave at the boy. The man was instantly drawn to the child’s hazel eyes which gave Gerald the impression that the boy was wise beyond his years. “What’s your name?” _

_ The silence that lingered between them concerned Gerald. The boy watched him carefully, as if trying to decide whether Gerald could be trusted with such information. He must have decided Gerald was trustworthy for eventually he answered with, “Alec. Short for Alexander but no one calls me that.” _

_ “I’m Gerald, and this is my daughter Bea. She’s three. How old are you, Alec?” Gerald asked carefully, not wanting to scare the boy. Behind them, the care worker was watching with a hopeful look in her eye. No potential adopters had ever gotten a word out of the boy and now Alec’s shoulders seemed to be relaxing in Gerald’s presence. _

_ “Six.” Alec glanced back out the window before looking back at the man before him. “Momma left me here when I was three. They said she doesn’t exist but I know she does because she lives in Al-i-can-te,” Alec spoke, sounding out the city as if he wanted to get it exactly perfect. _

_ Gerald Harding knew the exact moment his heart broke. It was looking at the child and knowing that Alec had barely experienced life and he already knew abandonment. It was likely the first feeling the child could put a name to. “I’m sorry, buddy. Do you like it here?” _

_ A shrug from Alec and soon the kid was looking back out the window. Gerald thought that was the end of the conversation, but the boy soon continued to speak, watching as if entranced by the rain. Storms were all the more fascinating in the daytime, the kid realized, as he could actually see everything going on. “I guess so. It’s lonely.” _

_ “Well, Alec, Bea and I would really like to take you home with us, is that okay? Would you like to be a part of our family?” Gerald asked, holding his breath for the answer. _

_ The man watched as Alec’s shoulders tensed again and his head dipped down, causing his shaggy black hair to fall forward across his face. Alec’s chubby hand dropped from the window into his lap. When he looked back at Gerald, there was fear in his expression and tears in his hazel eyes. “You won’t get bored of me, will you? You won’t leave me here again?” The boy’s lip quivered at the thought and Gerald thought for a moment he might cry as well. _

_ “No, buddy. Alec, I promise that you will always be a part of the Harding family unless you decide you don’t want to be,” Gerald spoke, linking his pinky finger with the boy’s much smaller one, “I promise.” _

* * *

How could Alec possibly return? He walked the familiar path down the sidewalk, hands shoved in jacket pockets and mind swirling with thoughts and memories. Alec had been gone for a month and a week, surely his dad and Bea would have thought him dead by then? How could he possibly show up after so long and expect to be welcomed back?

Still, regardless of how long it’s been, Alec knows for sure that his dad would never kick him out of the family. He may be angry for a spell but at the end of the day Alec will always be a Harding. Even when essential people in his life left without much word, Gerald and Bea Harding were always there for him. Alec remembered the promise made to him the first day they met. 

That didn’t make this any easier. Alec had put it off until the next morning, but now the sun was rising and he had no other excuse. So he walked up the familiar steps to his and Bea’s apartment, figuring their dad wouldn’t want the woman to be alone in this kind of situation. There was no easy way to return to their lives, so Alec just reached up and knocked on the door.

The door opened and Alec was met with silence. Bea was standing there in her pajamas and the tired expression in her eyes instantly melted to shock, tears instantly springing in them. “Oh my god,” she breathed, shaking her head and bringing a hand to her lips. “Oh my god,” she repeated.

Alec simply stood there, wanting to console his sister but instead allowing her time to process the sight. “Alec!” she screamed then, rushing forward and slinging her arms around his neck. She was standing on her toes but he could feel the full force of her hug as she clung to him, the sobs wetting the front of his shirt. “Oh my god, Alec. You’re okay, you’re okay,” she sobbed into him and Alec let her, simply holding his sister and waiting until the cries died down. Holding his sister in his arms made Alec shudder with emotion and his chest ached as he realized that he’d done this to her. Never before had he seen this level of grief on her, even after the accident.

“I’m so sorry, Bea, I’m so sorry.” Alec melted at the sound of his sister’s cries and he was sure if it wasn’t for their embrace he would be on the ground by then. “I’m here, I’m safe. We’re all okay.”

“What the hell happened to you?” Bea asked finally, words wet as she struggled to force them out amongst her tears. “I thought you’d just gone home with someone but then you never came back and I-” She clearly was unable to finish the thought, the mere memory of the panic she’d been through was enough. “We were so worried. The police told us there wasn’t any evidence, no trace of foul play. They said you, they said you probably ran away on your own. We didn’t want to believe it but then you didn’t come back and...what were we supposed to think?”

It made sense. Alec could feel his heartbreaking at the idea of his family truly believing that he abandoned them of his own will. If there had been a way to talk to them while he was training then he would have done it. The first few days of training still rang out vividly in his mind, consisting of him asking Ryland repeatedly if there was any way he could at least call Bea. The answer had been ‘no’ every single time despite his insistence and eventually he learned to stop asking. If Alec could go back he never would have stopped if only to spare his family the hurt. “I’m sorry, Bea, I never meant to hurt you. I can’t tell you everything that’s happened but just know that I never meant to stay away for so long.”

The silence was unnerving. Bea just stared up at him with narrow eyes, her expression revealing he was being studied closely. “Are you fucking kidding me?” The words came as a blow to him, and he quickly pulled from the hug at the harsh tone in her voice. “You were gone for over a month, Alec! You didn’t have the decency to even send me a text? Anything to let us know you were alive? Dad has been unconsolable, you asshole!” The words began quiet but harsh, though soon turned into shouting, Bea pushing his chest roughly. “Then you just show up here and say you never meant to hurt us? That’s the best you’ve got? You can’t even tell me where you’ve been?”

“Bea, you have to believe me when I say I would tell you everything if I could,” Alec spoke, pleading with her to just please believe him. The man didn’t know what he’d do if he lost his family after everything. “This is too dangerous for you to know. I can’t risk telling you and then you getting hurt. I don’t want you to get involved.”

More silence. Alec would have prayed to the angel in that moment if it meant Bea would believe him. “What did you get yourself into, Alec?” Bea spoke, voice quiet and  _ scared _ . The man had to figure that was better than angry. “Are you in a gang? A cult?”

“No, no nothing like that,” Alec was quick to decline, though he supposed the Circle wasn’t too far from a gang. It certainly felt that way sometimes as they all did whatever they could to please Valentine, trusting the man knew what he was doing.

“Then what, Alec? You’re an author, you’re not exactly dangerous,” she admonished, shaking her head in disbelief. “What’s gotten into you?”

This wasn’t working. Alec’s heart slammed into his ribs roughly and rapidly, as if it were trying to push him away from the situation. He wished he could have walked away, but this was his sister. It would be worse to tell her the truth, Alec knew, but it was quickly becoming clear that Bea wouldn’t take no for an answer. “I can’t explain it to you right now but I promise you that I will. As soon as the opportunity arises I’ll be here and I’ll explain everything, I swear by the angel.”

“Swear by the- what?” Bea asked, though figured it was better for her to not question her older brother any longer. Alec could see the moment when anger and disbelief turned to resignation and acceptance in Bea’s expression; his plan had worked. “Just promise to pick up a goddamn phone every once and awhile, okay? I’m serious, Dad and I were so scared.”

“Okay, I promise,” Alec returned, moving to give his sister another hug. He thought seeing his family would renew his passion to stop the Clave, but instead it just made the crushing weight of his lies that much heavier.

* * *

_ "Daddy, what’s a Shadowhunter?” The question flew from the boy’s mouth before he could process it. The word felt slightly foreign though subconsciously familiar as though it were a name he’d not spoken in a decade. _

_ “I’m sorry, buddy, I don’t follow,” Alec’s dad answered truthfully, shaking his head and continuing trying to wrestle the winter coat onto the boy. “Did you read that in a book?” Most seven year olds hated reading but the boy was so advanced; he was already reading books far beyond his scope, books that had to be about as heavy as he was. _

_ Alec squished his nose together at the feeling of the bulky coat wrapped around him and immediately began trying to shrug it off, ignoring the look of annoyance that flashed across his dad’s face. “No, my momma told me about them. She said I’d always be a Shadowhunter but I dunno what it is,” he explained simply, once more taking his father’s breath away. Though the boy had been quick to call Gerald ‘Dad’, seemingly forgetting his biological one with ease, the boy had held on to the notion of his biological mother being ‘Momma’. It had begun to worry Gerald Harding, for as long as Alec considered this other woman his mother the boy would never be fully connected to the Harding family. _

_ Of course, Gerald had tried to avoid having this conversation with the boy, but he figured perhaps it was time, nearly a year after the adoption. “Alec, bud, can I talk to you about something? It’s a big kid conversation.” _

_ That did the trick. The boy was obsessed with becoming a ‘big kid’ as soon as possible and would do anything to act more mature, except it seemed, wear a winter coat. “Yeah! Yeah, I wanna talk like a big kid!” the boy shouted, instantly running to the couch and throwing his thin body onto it. Under any other circumstance, his dad would have chuckled at the surprising amount of energy the kid contained. Alec was mostly calm but if Gerald or Bea said the right thing the kid would sent into a flurry of energy. It was truly a sight to see sometimes. It gave Gerald the hope that the kid would be okay regardless of what he’d seen before the adoption agency got to him. _

_ Gerald joined his son on the couch, watching him carefully. “Did the people at the adoption center ever talk to you about your mom?” he asked, unsure of how to go about the conversation. The therapist had warned him that it was a matter of time before he needed to be honest with his son, but the kid still seemed too young, too hopeful. “Okay, do you know what a soldier is?” _

_ “Yeah, like you,” Alec spoke quickly, “They fight for our country.” _

_ “Exactly right. Well, when someone is an adult, they can choose to be a soldier,” Gerald explained, smiling a little at the association his son had with him and being a hero. During a father’s day activity at the school, Alec had told his class that his dad was a superhero in reference to him having served in the army before. “But sometimes people want kids to do it. They have their kids train to be soldiers and make them grow up too fast. It can be hurtful to kids, right?” _

_ Alec nodded, taking on a solemn expression as if he knew exactly what his dad was talking about. “No candy ever.” _

_ “Okay, yeah, that’s a part of it. These child soldiers...they, uh, don’t end up fighting for our country. Their parents have them serve a different leader who wants to do bad things, okay? This whole thing....kids gets physically hurt a lot but they also aren’t allowed to be kids. They’re expected to be adults,” Gerald tried to explain without letting his voice harden. Already his blood was boiling at the thought of anyone making his precious Alec grow up too fast. The boy was a gentle soul and could never thrive in the kind of cultist militia he was thought to have been raised from. “It’s very bad. Do you understand?” _

_ Alec nodded once more, biting at his lower lip. The boy crawled closer to his dad then, eyebrows raising in permission before crawling onto his lap. Gerald held him close, letting the boy’s head fall onto his chest. When they’d first brought Alec home it had been nearly impossible to console him when he got into his moods. They’d soon figured out that if Alec could hear Gerald’s heartbeat he would calm down instantly. _

_ “Buddy, that’s what your Momma wanted you to do. I think that’s what a Shadowhunter is.” From everything Alec had explained in his therapy sessions, that’s the theory the therapist landed on. That would explain why Alec was never registered as alive then, as many of these cultist militias just don’t trust the government enough to put their kids on the map. _

_ Gerald could see the exact moment his words registered in Alec’s mind. The boy’s bottom lip began to quiver and his hazel eyes grew glassy with tears. Alec tensed but was unable to stop the tears from falling. “I don’t wanna!” the boy shouted, clinging to Gerald’s olive shirt tightly in his little fists. _

_ “No, no, buddy. Alec, I would never let anyone do that to you,” Gerald promised. “I will always be there to protect you. I promise that you will never have to fight if you don’t want to.” _

* * *

The irony of the memory was not lost to Alec as he stood in the Institute’s training room, wiping sweat from his brow after a training session. He’d never again mentioned his mother around Dad but clearly the idea of Shadowhunters had not been dropped. Several years after that conversation Alec published a book about an idealized version of Shadowhunters which his teenage therapist claimed was a way for him to come to terms with the idea of it. By turning a bad memory into a way to prosper, Alec was healing.

Or maybe he was just pushing himself closer and closer to the world he actually belonged to. Of course, if his dad or therapist ever heard that theory he’d be checked into a hospital immediately.

“Of course I’d find you here. I should’ve looked here first” an unfamiliar voice joked, snapping Alec out of his thoughts quickly. When he turned his head Alec saw an absolutely striking woman standing before him. She was tanned with black hair that clearly she put a lot of effort into. She dressed herself in a way that was fashionable but made it clear that she was not to be messed with. Alec couldn’t help but think that she could get along with Bea well, if they weren’t from separate worlds. “I thought you’d take some time off, but clearly not.”

With her striking similarities to Robert and Maryse, Alec had to conclude that this was Isabelle Lightwood. It only made sense that his would-be sister bore too many similarities to his foster sister. Alec’s heart leapt as he wondered if he would have gotten along with her as well as he had Bea, if they’d grown up together. “I wanted to get back to it as quickly as possible,” Alec answered, shrugging his shoulders. “I want things to go back to normal.”

“That’s actually what I’m here about. As the resident weapons master, it’s my job to let you pick out a new weapon. Considering your old one was lost.” She spoke so simply, as though the weapon wasn’t lost when he was ‘captured’ by the Circle. He appreciated the bluntness of Isabelle.

“Thanks,” Alec returned, quickly easing into step beside her as they walked to the armory. He tried to remember what Ryland’s signature weapon was though quickly figured out that the other man had never told him. He would just have to pick what felt right to him and go from there.

Isabelle didn’t let a moment of silence pass between them before she spoke again. “Elle’s worried, you know.” She spoke matter-of-factly, as if he was supposed to be able to read emotions that easily. Though, he supposed if he were actually dating Elodie then he would have. “She said you’ve been acting weird. I’ve been trying to tell her that you need time to adjust, but you know how she gets.”

“I’m trying, Izzy,” he spoke, remembering the session with Ryland where they went through nicknames. Isabelle Lightwood really only went by her full name when around her parents. Anyone who meant something to the woman always shortened it. “It’s a lot to get used to again, all at once.”

“I get it, Ry,” Izzy empathized, “That’s what I’m telling Elle. I just wanted to make sure you know that she’s there for you. We all are, but especially her. She just wants her boyfriend back.”  _ You have to distance yourself from her.  _ The words of advice from Ryland slammed into Alec’s mind, pushing his guilt closer to the forefront of his thoughts. He was absolutely putting off ending the relationship. It wasn’t because he actually loved Elodie; on the contrary she was as far from his type as she could be. The last thing Alec wanted to do, though, was hurt a woman who had already been hurting immensely for over a year.

It was his duty, though, and so he would have to.

Alec was thankful for the distraction as the pair finally made their way into the armory. He was blown away by the amount of supplies there. Though the Circle had been well-stocked, they had nothing compared to what was there. Whatever weapon Alec could think of, which he admittedly could think of few, was there, Alec was sure.

“So what’ll it be?” Izzy asked, a touch of curiosity in her voice. She was probably aching to know if he’d pick the same before.

In his training, Alec had learned that while every Shadowhunter should be proficient in many weapons, each person got to pick their own signature. A weapon they used best, one that called to them. Ryland had explained the process of picking it to him; it was truly as though the weapon was meant to fit in one’s hands.

Alec walked along the armory walls, pads of his fingers lightly brushing across a few of the blades, taking in the way they instantly cooled off his skin. The man was about to settle on a sword when something in the corner of his left field of vision caught his attention. Alec was there in an instant, fingers brushing the material of the bow with fascination in his gaze. He had taken lessons when he was a kid, even competing as a teenager. Though his dad had hated the idea of Alec becoming proficient in any kind of weapon, likely thinking back on the talk of Alec’s origins, he’d allowed it simply because the boy had pushed. Alec had explained that the bow always felt natural in his hands and though it had taken years for him to get good, he seemed to have a knack for it.

“That’s new,” Izzy voiced, not bothering to hide the surprise in her voice. “Have you ever used one?”

It was her voice that reminded Alec that he wasn’t alone. He nodded, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “It’s been awhile, but yeah.” It wasn’t like he was lying, but he was sure that Izzy wasn’t asking about national competitions for mundane teenagers. 

“I thought for sure you’d pick the sword,” Izzy admitted. “I can’t imagine switching weapons now, not after I’ve had the whip for so long.”

It made sense. Alec wracked his brain for a reasonable explanation as he strapped the quiver over his body and swung the bow on his back. “I need something new. I don’t want to be reminded of what happened. Move on, right?”

“Right.” It looked like Izzy wanted to say more, but she was quickly cut off by the door to the armory opening wide.

Jace Wayland was standing there in his Shadowhunter gear, looking ready for battle. “We have a mission. Izzy, Ryland, you in?” It seemed Alec would finally get the chance to see what being a Shadowhunter was all about. He was suddenly glad he didn’t have to explain this to his dad quite yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am blown away by the response this has gotten! I absolutely love that people have taken the time to comment and let me know their theories, what they've thought of the story so far, everything. I'm absolutely grateful for everyone who has taken the time to read this so far.
> 
> Next up, Alec's first hunt and more with the Institute.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I'd love to know your thoughts on this chapter!


	7. Chapter 7

   Steady hands, steady mind. The words repeated through Alec’s mind like a mantra as he lined up the shot, releasing the runed arrow with a loud ‘thwip’ of the string slicing through the air. He hadn’t expected to hit his target though was relieved as the demon let out a rasping shout at the arrow hitting it. The threat was extinguished and Alec was left standing stiffly with only the knowledge that he had just killed something. Granted, it had been a demon who would have gladly killed him in return, but the thought lingered in his mind. _ ‘Buddy, that’s what your momma wanted you to do.’  _

   What would his dad think if he knew? Alec shuddered at the thought, trying instead to focus on the blond now nodding in approval at his actions. This was what he was meant to do, Alec reasoned, it was always meant to be this way. His dad could never understand that he was meant to be raised in this kind of life. Alec just wished the lingering thought of child soldiers would go away. “Good to have you back,” Jace was speaking, pulling Alec from his morbid thoughts and instead reminding him of his purpose there.

   “It’s good to be back,” he answered smoothly, wiping the sweat from his brow and trying to relax his shoulders. If he hadn’t been pulled from his family, Alec knew he would have been doing this for the majority of his life. He would have been an expert by this point.

   The trio had fought like this was familiar territory. Alec was assuming that Ryland had finished off the group with Jace and Izzy, always hunting together. If Alec didn’t know any better he may have even assumed they replaced him with this other guy, except Ryland had made it very clear that the Lightwoods had tried to keep the knowledge of him away from their other kids. In other words, according to the Lightwood siblings, Alec never existed. It likely saved a lot of hassle from the parents; there was no need to justify their decision to give him away.

   Even though Alec had never been on a mission before, he had an idea of what was normal. The fact that Jace’s phone was ringing before they’d even considered leaving the scene had both Izzy and Alec on their toes. It was a deviation from what was normal if the reaction from Jace was any indication. Alec tried to listen in but found he couldn’t decipher any words in Jace’s hushed tone. When the phone call ended, Jace looked at his sister and Alec with an indiscernible expression. His shoulders were back and he stood tall once more as though he were taking on the leader persona again. “We have another scene we have to get to,” Jace explained simply, moving in a hurried pace out of the alleyway they’d ended in.

   The other two hurried to catch up; Alec having a considerably easier time considering his stride advantage given by his height. “What happened? We never have back-to-back missions like this,” Izzy spoke up, clearly as confused as Alec was. It relieved him that he wasn’t the only one thrown off by the events of the day, though he had to wonder why routine was changing as soon as he made an appearance at the Institute.

   There wasn’t much time to explain. The other scene wasn’t that far, explaining why the trio was assigned to it. When they arrived at the small park, they could see a figure lying in the grass and someone standing over them. Alec moved closer, blanching at the sight of the body laying haphazardly, limbs bent at unnatural angles and skin looking nearly gray. A chill ran down Alec’s spine at the sight of blood around the man, bruises littering what skin he could see from around the dirtied clothing. It seemed he wasn’t the only one affected by the scene either. Looking around, he could see Izzy with her lips downturned and pressed stiffly clearly showing her disgust, Jace standing taut as a bowstring as he took in the scene, and the man who had arrived before either of them. The familiar warlock stood stiff as well, for once not exuding the easy confidence that Alec had always noticed. Instead, his eyes were dark as if he were truly troubled by the sight, as though this ran deeper than a gruesome scene.

   “His name was Elliot. His son found him this morning,” Magnus spoke sharply as though he couldn’t wait for the meeting to conclude, as if the trio were the last people he wanted to see. With the stare he was giving Alec, it wouldn’t be surprising if that were the case. “You understand what this looks like, correct?”

   “This wasn’t any of our own,” Jace assured as if it were an obvious fact. Did the Clave’s people get accused of murder often? From the unspoken words between Jace and Magnus, Alec could only assume that they did. The thought didn’t settle well in his stomach, that people were capable of such needless brutality. “This has to be the work of the Circle.”

   The mere mention of the group instigated two reactions. Magnus’s expression immediately darkened as it would with the reference of a sore subject while Alec snapped his gaze to Jace in surprise and unease. Investigating the Circle would be a dangerous play for Alec, considering he could easily be linked back to them. “Valentine’s been dead for years,” the warlock finally pointed out, wanting nothing more than to ignore the reality of the situation.

   “The Circle has been active again. One of our own was held captive by them for a year,” Izzy spoke up then, taking a noticeable look at Alec as she did so. “They could be trying to start something without him.” Was Valentine assumed to be dead? The new information rattled his brain. There had to be a mistake. How was the Clave indoctrinating people to believe such horrors about a group that had done nothing but helped Alec? It didn’t make sense but he knew he wanted to find out more.

   “In any case, I don’t need a hoard of Nephilim to help with the investigation. Pretty boy can stay, but the rest should leave,” Magnus spoke up. When Jace nodded and stepped forward, the warlock let out a clipped laugh merely for posterity before turning his head to focus on Alec of all people. “No, Ryland here.” Alec couldn’t help but notice the emphasis on the name and his cheeks began to burn.

   “Okay,” Jace spoke, ruffled at the thought of not being the ‘attractive’ one in the group. “Report back to me when you’re done,” he spoke to Alec, clapping his shoulder once before motioning for Izzy to follow him from the scene. Alec had thought it would have been tougher to convince the other man to leave him there as the representative of the Institute, but apparently, Ryland’s reputation could be thanked for that level of trust to be given.

   The silence was intimidating. Suddenly it was Alec and Magnus with a mystery between them and somehow all Alec could worry about was blowing his cover. “That’s tragic you were held captive by the Circle for a year,” the other man piped up, raising a brow and looking quite pleased with himself as he continued, “It is interesting though because I could have sworn I saw you in my apartment a month ago.”

   Perhaps Alec’s cheeks would be permanently stained red in the other man’s presence, it certainly seemed as such. “That’s what they assumed when I showed up. I never corrected them,” Alec returned on the defensive. Technically, he wasn’t wrong. He never once stated that he was taken by the Circle, the situation was just set up to appear that way.

   Magnus gave him a disbelieving look but continued on anyway, bending down to examine the body. “These wounds were clearly made with a seraph blade. This has to be an attack by the Nephilim. Since the Clave has been on decent behavior since the Accords, that leaves the Circle,” he explained in a low voice, so quiet that Alec began to think he was talking to himself.

   “What’s the Circle?” Alec finally asked, unable to quell his curiosity. He’d gotten an explanation from Valentine and Ryland when he was first brought into the Shadow World, but he was curious to see what this side of the fight thought. It was definitely concerning that the blame was instantly tossed onto the rebel group.

   A pause ensued where Magnus and Alec simply looked at each other. It felt like the other man was sizing him up, trying to figure out if it was worth giving a reasonable explanation or instead giving a snarky comment. Alec stood with uncertainty, shifting on his feet under the strange feeling the stare gave him.

   With a motion from a hand, a portal was drawn up. Alec didn’t know where Magnus had ended up shipping the body but felt it unnecessary to ask. Instead, he watched as it disappeared into the blue cloud and soon enough Magnus was gripping Alec’s shirt sleeve, bringing the pair into the cloud. When they resurfaced, Alec felt nauseated and was standing somewhere familiar. “Your place?” he questioned, raising a brow at the other man before bending to press his palms to his knees to attempt steadying himself.

   “Talking in the open is dangerous,” was the only reply he earned. Even the mention of danger caused a flutter in Alec’s chest. The statement was further proof that the Shadow World was even more critical than the mundane world he’d lived in for twenty-three years. Never in his twenty-three years was he genuinely afraid of being killed by another person and yet it seemed to be a constant threat now. The man was beginning to wonder what he managed to get himself into.

   “Okay. So as I asked before, what’s the Circle and why is everyone so scared of it?” Alec asked, crossing his arms over his chest in defense.

   “I don’t know how you’ve lasted this long without knowing, little angel,” the other man returned, making no move to settle into a seat, instead remaining directly in front of Alec as if guarding the rest of his loft against him. Alec could feel his cheeks heating up against his will at the use of the nickname. Why did this man call him that?  “How did you manage to worm your way into the institute? I’m not claiming the Nephilim are a smart bunch, but they’re certainly not unobservant.”

   What could he say to that? With the clear distaste Magnus had for the group, Alec figured it wouldn’t be wise to admit that was where he got his information from. Panic began to work its way through his body as the man tried to find some sensible explanation for it all. He supposed it didn’t make sense for the warlock, for literally a month ago he didn’t even know the Shadow World existed. “After Bea and I left, I tried to find out as much as I could about this world that I was meant to live in. I found my way to Ryland, a Shadowhunter who deserted the Clave. He heard what I had to say and taught me what I needed to know so I could have the life I was meant to.”

   It was flimsy, he knew, and Alec watched with bated breath as Magnus took in the explanation. The other man’s expression didn’t change much except a slight furrowing of his brows which indicated that he likely didn’t believe a single word Alec said. The Shadowhunter waited for the man to poke holes in his story but no such thing occurred. Instead, he remained silent, transfixed on Alec. He began to squirm under Magnus’s intense gaze. An indescribable emotion already bubbled up in Alec’s chest when he was near the man, perhaps it was awe, but the stare only increased the pressure in his chest. He was thankful when the warlock nodded and turned his body away from Alec, hand raised and thumb rubbing circles against his forefinger. “What luck that you found a runaway Shadowhunter who happens to carry an uncanny resemblance to you,” was all Magnus said in return, focusing his strong gaze on a drink cart as he got himself a drink.

   “Speaking of,” the other man tossed over his shoulder, “Your sister is persistent. She frequently visits to ask questions. Apparently, you’ve sparked some curiosity in her about what you’ve been up to lately.” 

The thought that Bea had to go searching for answers about him to a practical stranger weighed heavily on Alec’s shoulders. He wished for nothing more than the ability to tell her and their father everything about the world he was living in now, but it wasn’t feasible. What if something happened to them because they knew about the world? An even more pressing question; what if they didn’t believe him and tried to have him committed? Alec was sure if he began rambling about Shadowhunters again after so many years of silence Gerald would find a way to blame himself. He knew his father was always so careful about his parenting of Alec, much more so than Bea. Part of it was probably the fact that Alec was adopted so could be taken away if the conditions didn’t seem proper for him, but an even bigger part of it was undoubtedly Alec’s shaky mental state following his early childhood before the adoption center. Gerald had done his best to make Alec move on from his past and it would crush the man if Alec admitted he ran right back to that life as an adult. There was no way he could do that to either of the Hardings.

“I’m sorry for her,” Alec finally returned, shrugging his shoulders as if to ask, ‘what can you do?’. “I visited her to let her know I was okay but I couldn’t exactly explain all of this. It’s all so...”

“Unbelievable? Straight out of a fantasy novel?” Magnus supplied, a knowing look spreading across his features. “I understand why you wouldn’t want to tell her. She’s going to find out with how persistent she is, though. I like her, she has plenty of theories to talk about.”

“What could she possibly think is happening?” Alec asked, feeling his shoulders beginning to relax as a familiar topic is brought up. Ever since he’d been recruited by the Circle, he’s felt on edge like he can’t possibly take a breath or relax. There was always something Alec had to watch out for lest he face dire consequences. The image of his sister pestering a powerful warlock about his whereabouts sets him at ease quickly, though.

“Oh, everything from you being in a cult to you having magic like myself,” Magnus spoke, seemingly becoming more at ease as well. He even lets out a quick laugh at the theories Bea has come up with. “What she doesn’t know is she’s basically correct with the first idea.”

“Is the Clave really that bad?” Alec asked, again trying to probe for an outside source of information. There was so much he felt he was missing and there was no clear way of filling in the blanks without royally screwing up.

A moment of silence as Magnus swishes his drink around the glass, gathering his thoughts and opinions before carefully speaking. “They have their ups and downs, as all groups do. They aren’t particularly fond of Downworlders, so they can be pompous pains in the ass sometimes,” Magnus admitted, expression darkening as he added, “but it’s better than the alternative.”

“What alternative?” Alec couldn’t think of another group worse than the Clave from all of the information he’s been gathering. He truly is shocked though when he hears Magnus’s reply. Was the circle deemed worse than the Clave? How was that possible? He had allowed himself to believe that Jace was wrong about the Circle simply due to Clave indoctrination, but that doesn’t explain how Magnus came to hold such negative opinions of the group that saved Alec. “What makes you think that?” he asked curiously.

Alec wasn’t sure when they had moved from the entryway to the couch but he took that time to sit up in his seat on one end of the couch, elbows bracing against his knees though back remained rigid. Magnus remained relaxed into the material, hand holding his glass loosely, though a serious expression fell across his well-adorned face.

“The Circle split from the Clave decades ago due to their radical plans. The two groups believe much of the same things but the Circle was more than willing to act on such beliefs. Their plan is to eradicate all demonic presence in the world, including exterminating all Downworlders,” Magnus explained. “They treat Downworlders lives as if they’re worth nothing. The type of killing like what happened tonight....they’ve done it before. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were doing it again.”

The words felt like arrows fired directly into Alec’s chest. None of it made sense when he thought about all that the organization had done for him. Not only did they help him return to the Shadow World but they did it with little price to pay in return. They never once pushed Alec to believe such things about the Downworlders. How could the same group that brought Alec back believe in such horrible ideas?

“If the Circle really killed that warlock, then what’s the next move?” Alec asked slowly, unsure if he was willing to believe what Magnus was saying. So far Magnus hadn’t lied to him but he was also sure that Ryland never had either.

The warlock had finished off his drink and set the glass on the table beside the couch. Alec found himself wishing he were a warlock too; knowing full-well that Magnus never had to do dishes by hand. It would have made the chores Alec was required to do as a kid that much easier and likely more fun, too. Embarrassingly, he found himself wondering what Magnus was like as a kid. If the boy ever found himself causing mischief with his magic or if he was particularly reserved about it.

Magnus’s words pulled Alec from his thoughts, causing red to tinge his cheeks as he was caught daydreaming. “We can’t locate them. It’s been tried before,” he explained simply. “They’re going to try this again. I have to keep taking in information and putting the pieces together. They’re bound to mess up and leave a clue and that’ll lead me right to them.”

“You?” Alec questioned, already understanding what Magnus was implying. The other man didn’t want Shadowhunter help for a reason beyond his understanding.

“You can’t honestly expect me to put my trust in the Clave to investigate Downworld deaths, do you? No, as High Warlock I will handle this investigation and I’ll forward any information to the Institute,” Magnus snipped, shaking his head as if it were an obvious observation to make. 

“The Institute would never allow that and you know it. They’ll want to be involved,” Alec returned. He could already hear Jace’s voice in his head on the issue even though he hadn’t known the man for that long. The blond was so unique that he left an impression on the hazel-eyed man.

“Then they will be,” Magnus proposed, “You and I will lead this.” He spoke quickly as if this plan was already in his mind as if this were the outcome he desired. Did Magnus know Alec would protest not being able to help with this?

Another fit of pink spread across Alec’s cheeks at the thought of spending even more time with the warlock. Never before had a single person been able to pull such a reaction from him, especially not twice in the span of a single conversation. It didn’t make sense, but Alec was willing to see where it took him. “Okay. I’m trusting you on this.”

Another stare from Magnus, though this one was less intense. The other man was no longer trying to size him up but rather try to figure out where the words came from. Alec supposed it sounded strange coming from him. A man who wasn’t even supposed to be in the Institute in the first place, a Shadowhunter, was choosing to trust a warlock who could easily out him to the Clave if anything went wrong. He had a feeling deep in his chest, though, that Magnus wouldn’t tell anyone his true identity.

“I need to get back to the Institute before they send out a search party,” Alec finally spoke up, standing up and rolling his shoulders quickly.

“Wouldn’t want to make them think you were taken again,” Magnus added, poking once more at the lie he had fed the Institute.

Alec left the warlock’s loft in high spirits. They had exchanged phone numbers for ease of contact for the investigation, at least that’s what Magnus said as he winked at the man and entered in his phone number. He could still remember the way his name rolled off the other man’s tongue as he gave he slow, “Goodnight, Alexander.” Even the memory of it sent shivers down Alec’s spine as he walked the path back to the Institute.

In little time the Nephilim was back in the church building and in his room, laying on his made bed. He found himself going over his conversation with Magnus in his head in an attempt to take in as much new information as possible. Alec leaned over to grab his phone from where he’d abandoned it on the simple nightstand.

**To Bea:**

_ [By the way, I’m not in a cult guess again] _

A small smile worked its way onto Alec’s face as he thought of his sister. He hated being so separated from her for this long. They’d never spent more than a week apart and that was only when Bea had gone to some dance camp in the tenth grade. They’d relied on each other for so much and it felt strange that he had to hide so much of his life from her now. Alec found himself hoping that she would miraculously be able to guess what was happening to him. At least, whether the man liked it or not, Bea had Magnus to talk to.

The conversation with Magnus brought reassurance to Alec when he thought about his sister, one thought still nagged at his mind. Was the Circle truly as perfect as they claimed to be? Within seconds Alec’s phone was out and Ryland’s number was dialed. Alec trusted that the other man would be honest with him about the plan. He’d been honest thus far, why would he start lying then?

Ryland answered quickly after Alec began the call. “Is everything okay? It’s not time for another update, Alec,” he asked a note in his voice sounding particularly concerned.

“Yeah, everything’s okay,” Alec reassured immediately. “I was just looking into a warlock killing that happened today. The Institute is convinced that the Circle did it. They’re claiming that the Circle was created to attack Downworlders. Is that true?” He wasn’t sure why he shielded Magnus from Ryland, but it was too late to fix the story now.

A pause. Alec even held the phone away from his ear to check that the call was still going on before pressing his back to the side of his head. Was Ryland surprised or trying to come up with a feasible lie? Alec’s heart was pounding in his chest again with an unbelievable amount of adrenaline and anxiety beginning to be coursed through him. “Do you honestly think we could do that?” Was what Ryland decided on voicing.

“I thought it sounded far-fetched but they all seemed so su-” Alec began, though was quickly cut off.

“I wouldn’t lie to you, Alec. I’m here to make sure you know about our plan and I’m going to do that. Trust me if killing Downworlders was on the agenda then you’d know about it,” Ryland reassured. “We wouldn’t send you into enemy territory then throw curveballs right at you. That’s not what the Circle is about, I swear.”

It certainly made sense. As Ryland’s speech continued, Alec could feel his mind and body being soothed into calmness. His heart rate returned to normal and suddenly Magnus’s words made less sense as time went on. The Circle had never done anything to make Alec believe they were capable of such heinous actions, why should he believe someone he just met? “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. It’s just been a long day.”

“We’re in this together, Alec,” Ryland continued, his charming attitude already shining through clear as day. “Just keep with it, Alec, and I promise the Circle will reward you in kind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all! Sorry for the long wait but I went on vacation so was unable to update. I do have a couple pieces of news though!
> 
> 1) I have an official chapter count for this fic. It may fluctuate by one or so but for now it's locked in at 17.  
> 2) I am looking for a beta willing to look through these chapters for me as I write them! Just let me know if you're interested. <3  
> 3) I have a tumblr at writer-in-theory and you can ask me questions there if you want! I'll be posting little tidbits about this story as well as specific update times over there, so go check it out!
> 
> As always, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this fic. It was unbelievable to come back from vacation to so many lovely comments on this. So again, thank you and I'll try to get the next update up before I head out for (another!) vacation.


	8. Chapter 8

If it were a possible solution to her problems, then Maryse Lightwood would never return to New York. The bustling institute only served to remind her of the terms of her surrender nearly two decades earlier. She was meant to be confined within the very walls of the cathedral and yet that wasn’t the worst of the conditions. With every moment she spent in the New York Institute the woman found herself thinking about her son. While Jace and Max both held strong places in her heart they weren’t lingered on when she was stuck in her husband’s office going over endless piles of paperwork on recent missions. She should have been thinking of the pride she gained as Jace began running the Institute with ease but instead she thought of the little toddler who wouldn’t be so little by now. 

The fact that Maryse didn’t even know what her child looked like chipped away at her vulnerable heart every time it resonated in her mind. What wouldn’t she give for the chance to look at her son once more simply to ensure he was living a good and fulfilled life? She looked at her three children she still had and wished with everything in her that they could know their older brother. In her grief Maryse had refused to tell them anything about her lost son, not even a name. She didn’t even tell them the terms of his disappearance, knowing it would cause a level of animosity toward the Clave that the Lightwood name couldn’t bear.

Maryse shut the office door behind her, allowing her posture to relax only when she was out of the public eye. Though she faced inexpressible grief every day she couldn’t appear as anything but a perfect leader. The days could not pass by sooner until Jace could be officially named the Head of the New York Institute and Maryse wouldn’t be under such harsh spotlights.

The chair sunk slightly with the weight of her, revealing how aged most of the furniture was in the institute. With it being quite the distance from Idris, the institute didn’t often get funds from the Shadowhunter capital to renovate the building. The funds that they were allocated were all used in their main war against demons. Still, Maryse found herself wishing she could demand from the Clave a decent chair for the office. After all they’d taken from her she deserved some damn back support.

Alec would be twenty-three by now, older than both Jace and Isabelle. At that point he likely would have already taken over the Institute, should he have been allowed to do so. If he hadn’t been pushed out of their world, Maryse was sure he would have been the perfect soldier. Part of the woman had to wonder if it was such a bad thing that he was torn from them. While it hurt bitterly, Maryse knew deep down that there was something different about the boy. Even as a toddler Maryse could tell how mature and selfless he was. While that would have made him the perfect soldier, it also would have damaged him beyond repair in this world. Her child would have been too willing to give up every bit of himself to help those he loves, not unlike herself. It wouldn’t have been surprising if he never made it to twenty-three years in the Shadow World.

Maryse just wished they would have had the choice. Though she had believed in the cause dearly, Maryse didn’t regret splitting from the Circle. The woman only wished that she would have done it sooner in hopes that the Clave would have had more mercy. She would have taken any other punishment if it meant her son got to stay by her side. There was no telling what he went through after the Clave tore him from her arms. There was no way to even tell if he had been able to survive on his own. Maryse just had to hope that through some miracle he’d survived and was thriving in the mundane world. 

Maryse also had to hope for the miracle that one day she may look upon her son again, even if it was in passing on the street without either of their knowledge.

* * *

Alec was awoken by his phone buzzing incessantly beside him. The man wasn’t sure when he fell asleep but judging by the way his phone rested in his open palm he assumed it wasn’t long after his call with Ryland. A groan spilled from his lips as he tried to fully come back to the living world, if not out of want then out of necessity. He lifted his hand to stare at the phone screen, immediately wincing at the light then relaxing when he saw who the messages were from.

**From Bea:**

_ [fine then. were you bit by a radioactive spider? you’d tell me if you were a superhero right?] _

A chuckle sounded through the room with the silent promise from Alec to respond to her later. What was more important was the message from Ryland.

**From Ryland:**

_ [i’ll be busy for awhile. text with updates until i say otherwise.] _

Straight to business with no hint of friendliness. Admittedly it was unlike the other man, though Alec had to remind himself that he only knew Ryland for a little over a month. This could have been completely normal from him, but the text left a bitter feeling in Alec’s stomach.

**To Ryland:**

[jace lightwood is the temp head of institute. maryse and robert are never here. they are beginning to get suspicious of me. working with the high warlock on the recent downworld killings.]

Shaking his head and climbing out of the bed, Alec tried to force the worried thoughts from his mind. If something were truly wrong then Ryland would warn him. Instead, Alec began to focus on his tasks for the day. There hadn’t been a new message from Magnus which meant that their investigation was on hold until further notice. No call from Jace had come which meant that he wasn’t needed on a mission yet. He could spend the day in the training room trying to brush up on the skills he’d learned at a rapid pace. There was also one other task he had to complete; he had to breakup with Elodie. There was no other way around it even though the idea sent guilt pounding into him.

The search then began for Ryland’s girlfriend. Alec traipsed through the corridors of the institute quickly, turning his head every so often to find her. Eventually, he heard her voice before he saw her. Alec followed the sound to the ornate door that normally closed of the Head of Institute’s office. Now the door was open wide and Alec could see two figures standing in the room. The one was instantly identifiable as Maryse Lightwood, which made all too much sense considering she was one of the Heads. The other was a blond form that Alec recognized a moment later as Elodie.

“I don’t trust him, Maryse. There’s something really off about him,” Elodie was saying, almost pleading with the older woman to believe her. “I know Ry and this isn’t him.”

“You may just need time to adjust, Ellie,” Maryse was responding quickly. “This is a lot to take in all at once, especially after so long. You both have changed after all that’s happened. Don’t worry, you and Ryland are meant to be together. You’ll find your way back to each other in time.”

“No, this is more than just some trauma changing him,” Elodie insisted, sending chills down Alec’s spine. Of course she was the one who would catch on the quickest. She probably spend the most time with Ryland before the disappearance so it was only fitting that she would notice the inconsistencies. “You don’t notice that he looks different? I chalked it up to being starved but the nourishment rune should have made him look exactly as he was before. Some of his runes are placed differently and Ry’s hair was dark but it was never raven-black like that. And Ry’s eyes were more brown and less hazel. Not only that but I haven’t heard my full name used in forever from him. He always called me Ellie or El just like you all do. Since he’s been back, he hasn’t called me anything but Elodie. He’s so distant, Maryse, like he’s not my boyfriend.”

This was bad. Alec pressed his back to the wall beside the doorway, eyes closed as he attempted not to panic. What would happen if Maryse actually believed what Elodie was telling her? What if they began to investigate him? Alec would be caught and his chances at ever being a Shadowhunter would be squandered forever. How could he possibly get out of this situation?

“Give it time, Ellie,” Maryse finally spoke, causing a small breath to fall from Alec’s parted lips. He would have a little bit more time to come up with a plan, then. “He’s been through a lot, more than we’ll ever know about. We just have to try to bring as much of the old Ryland back as possible and learn to love the changed parts.”

Alec has had enough. Finally he makes his presence known, standing in the doorway and knocking lightly on it with his knuckles. “Am I interrupting anything? I was just looking for El,” he spoke, remembering to use the nickname that was apparently used. Alec couldn’t wait to yell at Ryland for leaving out that detail and almost having him get caught.

“No, not at all. I should get back to Alicante regardless. I was just stopping in,” Maryse returned, giving him a small nod. The woman’s gaze lingered on him a little longer than what could be considered normal, but she soon snapped out of whatever had her staring; shaking her head and exiting the room quickly.

Alec motioned for Elodie and the woman joined him in walking down the corridors together. He didn’t know where he should go, where it was proper to breakup with someone when the relationship was clearly treasured and he wasn’t the boyfriend she thought he was. Still, he knew there was no other option but to end the relationship. If he didn’t already believe so, then Elodie’s rising suspicions convinced him of it.

The silence was tense. Alec wanted nothing more than to swipe away the problem immediately but he knew that this had to be carefully done. If Alec acted too out of place then he was sure Elodie would go to Izzy and Jace about the issue. It had certainly seemed before that Isabelle Lightwood was more than protective of the other woman so she would no doubt take her side in her distrust of him. He hadn’t spent much time with these people yet but he could already tell that when Isabelle wanted something accomplished she wouldn’t stop until she got it done no matter the consequences.

Eventually the pair ended up must have been the library. Alec had never been in the room before so it must have been Elodie that led them there. The room itself was absolutely stunning, bookshelves lining each wall and completely full of books that looked ancient. There were different items that were sitting on pedestals that could only be some form of shadowhunter relic, though Alec would never know what any of it was, he was sure. The man could only hope that the awe wasn’t clear on his face, as he supposed Ryland would have seen this room plenty of times before. All he wanted to do was run his fingers over the spines of every book there and never leave the room until he’d read through every item there.

“You used to take me here every week,” Elodie spoke, voice small but surprisingly confident for the low volume. She was steady in her words, own eyes wandering over the books. The woman was already walking slowly around the library while Alec could only manage to stay still, barely in the entrance of the massive room. “We could always go out like mundanes do, but we always had this. You have to remember that; long nights reading in the library, sneaking food in here to have a quiet dinner alone without any of our friends teasing us. It was the one bit of calm I could find in living here.”

“I remember,” Alec returned immediately, watching her movements carefully. Her expression was more wistful than accusatory, as if she’d brought him here to make him remember the person he used to be, as if it was possible to bring back the old Ryland. If only he could tell her the truth to ease the guilt bubbling up inside of him. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin her memory of the relationship but he saw no way out of this, especially if she was already beginning to doubt him. The mission had to be more important than some nephilim’s feelings, but that thought didn’t ease his conscience any. “I wish we could go back to that, I do, but I just don’t think-”

“What did they do to you?” The question stunned him into silence. Whatever response Alec had been expecting, it wasn’t that. Elodie was in front of him in an instant, bringing her hand up to rest against his cheek, thumb brushing along his cheekbone. Her expression had melted into one of clear hurt and worry. “I’ve never seen you so disconnected from it all. What could they have done to you to make this happen?”

How could he possibly answer her? There was no good way out of the situation and Alec found himself cursing Ryland for even suggesting this plan. He didn’t want to keep up the charade if only because he didn’t want to keep hurting Elodie. She didn’t deserve any of it and he only wished he could plead forgiveness when this was all over. “I don’t....” Alec failed to come up with any more words, his eyebrows pressing together tightly as he watched her expression tighten in pain.

“I know, you can’t talk about it. I know I shouldn’t force you to relive those memories but I just don’t understand, Ry. I want to and I know that I’m not being supportive but I don’t see how you could change so much,” Elodie burst out, shaking her head as if she were ashamed of what she were saying. In the same light, though, Alec could see in her eyes that she didn’t regret speaking the thoughts aloud. It was something the woman needed to get out in the open. “I want the old Ry back. The one who called me Ellie and took me to the library and always made sure to check in with me before going on missions. The one who loved me with everything he had.” Elodie was openly crying now, tears slipping from her eyes and running quickly down her pale cheeks.

“I don’t think there’s coming back from this, Elodie,” Alec tried, voice quickly becoming desperate sounding. All he wanted was for this conversation to be over. He didn’t think he could deal with watching her heart break any further.

Elodie snapped her hand away from him then, eyes wide as she realized what he was saying. Silence passed between them as neither could find the right words to say. What was left to be thrown at each other? The woman nodded, her expression tightening as if she no longer trusted him with her vulnerability. Then, wordlessly, she exited the library, door slamming behind her.

Alec knew he should have felt relief at hopefully throwing some suspicion off of him but instead he just felt guilt.

* * *

It was unclear when hitting a heavy bag would become soothing to Alec, but the workout was now succeeding in letting out all of the frustration toward his situation. As each wrapped fist slammed against the bag another worry was released.

Alec hated that he had to hurt Elodie so terribly when she had done nothing wrong. He hated that he had to look his parents in the eyes and not tell them who he was. He hated that he was finally with his biological family and he couldn’t ask them a single damned thing. He hated even more that he couldn’t properly talk to his mundane family without fearing for their lives. Even more than that though, Alec hated that he was caught between two sides of a war and neither looked like the “good guys”. It felt like no matter what side he chose some wrong would occur on an innocent people. 

Nothing made sense and all Alec found himself wanting was his old life. Though not long ago he’d yearned for nothing more than to be where his biological family was, now he found himself wishing he never would have gone to Magnus’s apartment with Bea. He could have continued living an oblivious life as a waiter and author with no added stress of being in the middle of a secret war.

He wished he could go back to before everything changed, when he was still just Alec Harding.

_ Standing in front of a mirror, Alec looked at himself with the knowledge that everything was about to change. In just a couple short hours he would be an adult and would be left to make his own mark on the world, whatever that may be. Though many were nervous about the upcoming years, Alec was excited. He was almost finished with his first novel and was ready to send the final draft to his editor. _

_ He just had to get through today’s graduation. _

_ “I’m so proud of you, Alec,” a voice called from behind him. Turning, the young man could see his adoptive father standing before him with a bright smile on his face. “You’ve come a long way.” _

_ “Yeah, I guess I have,” he returned to Gerald simply, a smile on his own face as he took in his graduation attire. He’d made it into NHS, was graduating in the top ten percent of his class, and he was getting to speak at commencement as the class president. Even he never thought he’d get that far in his high school career, considering just a decade prior they were struggling to get him to do anything other than sit by the window and read. _

_ “I know we don’t talk about your previous family anymore,” Gerald began delicately, not wanting to make his son too upset on the big day. “But you’ve more than proven yourself. I wish they could see you now just to know how excellent you are, Alec.” _

The memory hurt, creating a tightened feeling in Alec’s chest. A noise of pain sounded from the man as he hit the bag harder, throwing his entire body into the training. If he could just work  _ harder _ perhaps the memories would stop flooding in. He didn’t want to remember his old life while he was yearning for it. Alec didn’t want to know how lucky he’d been to have the Hardings, not when he willingly left them behind. Especially not when he left them for  _ this _ .

_ “I’m not going on a double date with you,” Alec protested immediately at the idea, trying to walk away from his sister but having trouble in such a small apartment. They eventually ended up in the small kitchen with Alec cornered by the refrigerator. _

_ “You have to! I can’t be alone with this guy, what if I fuck everything up?” Bea exclaimed, hardly able to believe that her brother wouldn’t support her in this. “Besides, you and Dahlia are still friends! You shouldn’t mind getting dinner with her.” _

_ “Okay, one, just because I’m friends with my ex doesn’t mean I want to go on another date with her. Two, you shouldn’t worry so much about messing up. If the guy actually likes you then he won’t mind whatever you say tonight. Third, I have to get this draft finished and sent to my editor before he completely loses it,” Alec countered, crossing his arms over his chest in a neat pout. There was absolutely no way he would call one of his best friends and ask if she wanted to go on a date with him again, especially not since he broke up with her because he needed to figure out his sexuality. _

_ Thus another Harding showdown began, Alec staring down Bea with determination in his eyes and Bea huffing and ready to throw a total fit if he didn’t agree. Neither of them said a word but they didn’t have to. The stareoff would have continued for ages if Bea hadn’t grabbed Alec’s phone from his pocket and sprinted off with it. _

_ “Bea, no!” he shouted, trying to catch up to her but only being met with a locked bedroom door. “Fuck off, you can’t just call D-” _

_ “Oh, hey, Dahlia! This is actually Bea, sorry about that,” he could hear her introducing through the phone. Already embarrassment ran through the man’s face, cheeks tinted a bright red as he listened to the conversation. “Listen, so I have a huge favor to ask of you since Alec refuses for some reason or another. Anyway, I’m going on a date and I don’t want this to be messed up so I wanted to know if-” A pause, clearly Dahlia had cut her off. “Yes, exactly! Oh yeah, yeah, Alec definitely just wanted it as friends too. Thanks so much! See you at seven then.” _

_ It was seconds after Bea hung up that the door was unlocked and swung open, phone being returned to his pocket easily. “See? Not so hard,” she returned to her brother, smiling in pure triumph. “It’s a win-win situation really. Dahlia gets to hang out with her best friend, I get some backup on my date, and you can keep hiding from Dad that you’re gay!” _

_ Alec began nodding his head until he realized what she said. Immediately his face blanched in pure fear, realizing that she already knew. “You-I-...Bea, I’m not-You can’t possibly think that I’m-what?” he struggled to come up with the right words while his sister just shook her head and rested her hand on his arm. _

_ “Alec, I’m your sister and best friend. You really thought you could hide from me that you like guys?” Bea asked as if it were a simple fact of life. Though her voice had quieted, becoming much more serious than what was typical of the young woman. “It’s not a big deal. You know I support you no matter what, right? And you and I both know that Dad would, too. You’re the golden son, could do no wrong or whatever. You have to tell him eventually.” _

_ “I know,” Alec whispered, voice suddenly small. The man never would have thought that she would figure it out. He was alarmed by the sudden mention of his secret, though eventually it felt like a weight was being lifted off of his shoulders. At the young age of twenty, only Dahlia had known that he was gay. At least one of the closest people in his life knew and was so accepting. There was no need to explain himself, she just understood. It was easily the best feeling in the world to just be accepted, no questions asked. _

If Alec ever made it back to the Hardings, he promised himself he would tell his dad the truth. Bea was right, he shouldn’t have been hiding this for so long. Though, Alec did have to wonder how accepting his biological family would have been, would they have accepted him no questions asked like Bea had? Perhaps Izzy and Jace, but he couldn’t find it in him to trust the ever-strict and traditional Maryse and Robert loving the idea.

“What is wrong with you?!” a furious voice shook Alec from his memories and from his training. The man paused his actions, stepping back from the bag and wiping his arm across his forehead to clean his face from sweat. He could see Izzy Lightwood stalking toward him and looking as furious as he’d ever seen her, Jace hurrying along behind her. “How could you do that to her?”

Alec was shoved back by Izzy, surprised by the woman’s strength. “I don’t-”

“Save it!” Izzy screamed. “You Ryland Brookewater are a grade A asshole! Don’t come near me or my parabatai again, got it? I don’t know what’s gotten into you but you never would have hurt her like this before.” Without giving him time to defend himself, Izzy stalked right out of the training room again; having made her point and leaving Alec standing stunned in the center.

“You really messed up,” Jace pointed out obviously and breaking the stifling silence of the room. When Alec simply gave him a swift glare, Jace held his hands up and shook his head. “Point taken. C’mon, you could use a drink and I need a night off.”

* * *

 

They ended up at a bar called the Hunter’s Moon. It was clearly werewolf run and it was occupied by mostly Downworlders. Alec could understand why Jace would have chosen this place; no Shadowhunter would actually bother them there because they wouldn’t go searching there.

“Why did Izzy want to kill you today?” Jace finally asked once the pair of them had drinks in their hands. Alec could tell through the entire walk to the bar that the other man had wanted to know. It made sense that would have been the first thing out of his mouth.

“I broke up with Elodie,” Alec answered simply, hating to repeat it. Even just saying it out loud sent guilt streaming through him once more.

“That wasn’t the best move,” Jace remarked, shaking his head. “You know Izzy and El are  _ parabatai _ , you had to have known she would be protective over El.” Alec was thankful Ryland had thought to explain the concept to him before he returned to the institute. It was strange thinking that two people could have their souls connected and he still didn’t understand why anyone would actually want that. Still, Alec was beginning to understand just how deep that kind of bond ran. If Izzy was truly that furious, then Elodie must have been extremely hurt by the breakup. He wished he could take it back, but that would likely only make the entire situation worse. He was supposed to be laying low not making drama.

“I had to,” Alec returned. “Things haven’t been the same since I...you know. She deserves better right now.”

“I get it. Take care of yourself first,” Jace spoke, taking a sip from his drink and winking at the bartender that had made it for him. “But maybe avoid Izzy for the next few days. Or weeks.”

“Noted.” Alec was officially terrified of his biological sister. Though he did admit that she likely would get along excellently with Bea if only the pair could ever meet.

It looked like Jace was about to say something but was interrupted by the bartender hurrying over to the pair of nephilim looking concerned. “There’s been another killing,” she told the pair, keeping her eyes on Jace. “A werewolf. He’s young, too. It’s your job to investigate, right?” She almost said it in an accusatory tone, as if she didn’t quite trust the pair to actually check into the killing. It made Alec even more sure that the Clave didn’t care about others as much as they would like to believe. What was the point of the Accords if they wouldn’t be followed correctly?

“Thanks, Maia,” Jace returned quickly, downing his drink and nodding to Alec to follow him. It wasn’t hard to find the crime scene. It was a bloodbath. If it wouldn’t have given him away then Alec likely would have thrown up on the spot.

“I’ll call Magnus. Him and I can do the report. You get this back to the institute?” Alec suggested, already pulling his phone out. Jace nodded, clapping his hand against Alec’s shoulder before taking off back toward the institute.

“Alexander,” Magnus purred into the phone, “To what do I owe the pl-”

“There’s been another killing. Can you get down here? I’m beside the Hunter’s Moon.” Alec hardly had to wait a minute before a portal was opening and Magnus was strolling through. The Shadowhunter nodded and hung up the call, slipping his phone back into his pocket. “A werewolf boy was killed not long ago. No one saw who did it, though.”

Magnus walked over to where the body lay, pulling a face as he looked at it. “These are silver burns,” he pointed out, noting the various marks all over the boy. “And these are clearly from a seraph blade. This is a repeat offender.” The same person who attacked the warlock before likely did this to.

“The Circle?” Alec asked though deep down already knew the answer. Of course Magnus would think this was the Circle again. Now if only Alec could figure out who was right, since Ryland was adamant that this was not the work of the group. There was no reason for Magnus to lie to him, though.

“Likely,” Magnus returned. “Come back to my apartment and we can talk this through?” the warlock suggested, already opening the portal for himself. When Alec nodded, the warlock gestured for him to go through the portal first.

Alec would never get used to portal travel. The man closed his eyes and tried to steady himself, almost cursing Magnus for how elegant he could look doing it. It seemed he could be graceful in any circumstance while Alec was always looking like a bumbling idiot around the warlock.

“We have a dead warlock and werewolf,” Magnus finally spoke as he got himself a drink. His expression seemed neutral but there was an underlying darkness there, as if he were more angry about the situation than he was willing to let on. “They weren’t drained so it’s not a rogue vampire. The Clave wouldn’t be so gutsy and the Seelies would be more clever about it. This has to be the work of the Circle. But why?”

“To prove a point? Just to say that they’re back?” Alec offered.

“They would be a little smarter than that, I hope,” Magnus countered, shrugging his shoulders once.

“They’re definitely attacking Downworlders though. Maybe we can catch them on it next time,” Alec tried. He would have to talk to Ryland again, make sure that they weren’t keeping anything from him. Though, Magnus did have a point. If it was no one else, then didn’t it have to be the Circle? Perhaps all of the doubt Alec had been feeling toward the group was in fact well placed.

“I’ll make sure to warn the vampires and Seelies,” Magnus assured. It wasn’t long before the man was staring at Alec, giving him a small smile. “Stay for a drink?”

Alec was absolutely about to agree when a text came into his phone. He assumed it would be from Jace, but rather it was from Ryland.

**From Ryland:**

[meeting at 11pm tonight.]

Another text came in with the address Alec was supposed to go to. Checking the time, he noted that if he left now and ran he could just make it. “Sorry, I have to get back to the institute. I’ll call you if we find anything else,” Alec spoke hurriedly, standing up from where he’d sat down and rushing to the front door.

“Goodnight, Alexander,” Magnus called out.

Alec paused, turned his head at the call. A lopsided smile took over his expression then, noting the fluttery feeling that came with hearing the gentle way Magnus said his name. “Goodnight, Magnus.” Then Alec was hurrying out the door and down to the street.

The last thing the man wanted to do was be late. If Ryland needed to meet him unexpectedly then this was something vital. Alec wasn’t supposed to have any physical meets with any of the Circle members just in case anyone was watching him. His heart was pounding in his chest from both the running and from the fear of what this meeting was over. What would Ryland have to say? Alec made it into the building with barely a minute to spare. He fought the need to bend over as he caught his breath as quickly as possible, glancing around for Ryland.

The voice from behind him wasn’t expected and sent chills down his spine. “Hello, Alexander.” The way his name was said didn’t reassure him like the way Magnus used it. Instead, it made him think that he was in a lot of trouble.

Alec would recognize Valentine’s voice anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I didn't mean to be gone for a month, sorry about that. Also, I'll try to update as frequently as possible but I don't know how that's going to go in the future. I'm starting the freshman year of college in like 2-ish weeks so I don't know how well I'll be posting then. Until then, though, I'll try to get plenty of chapters up!
> 
> Tumblr: https://writer-in-theory.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has read so far and taken the time to comment. I love hearing what everyone thinks of the story so far!  
> Until next time!


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